My mother lives in Spring, TX, and for those of you who don’t know, Houston and the surrounding areas are the Bible Chastity Belt.  As the only Jewish woman in a sea of Evangelical Christianity, she often gets email forwards about the love of Jesus, the love Jesus has for George Bush, and the love Evangelical Christians have for irrationality.  {I mean, really, if you believe in a trinity and can manage to call it monotheism … you’ll believe anything!}

Below, I have pasted one of these lovely email forwards to illustrate what we, in the Rational Revolution, are up against.  Read at your own risk (and blood pressure levels …).  I would also like to note that by referring to Evangelicals, I in no way mean to imply moderate, tolerant Christians – otherwise known as REAL Christians. 

My notes are in bold.

Was Pres Bush Wrong??? 

Read all of this one, it is interesting!!  Read down to the very bottom highlighted in green, IT’LL GIVE YOU GOOSEBUMPS!!!  You don’t want to miss this!  VERY INTERESTING-

The set up here is quite interesting, though it is complete and utter bullshit.  What the author would like to convey is Biblical evidence that the War in Iraq was somehow mandated in the Bible.  So, let’s give the author the benefit of the doubt and assume that he/she knew that Iraq was established in 1932 after WWI.  I have never found any reference to trench warfare in the Torah or the King James Bible, but I digress …

1. The Garden of Eden was in Iraq

We have no idea where the Garden of Eden was, and if we did, we would have already destroyed its natural resources for oil or other exploitative resources. 
2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!

This is absolutely true as long as you discount the entire continent of Africa, and honestly, we seem to do that at present so often, why not direct our apathy to the cradle of civilization as well?
3. Noah built the ark in Iraq

I will give $100 to anyone who can site a reference in the Bible of a geographical location directly connected to Noah.  That’s $100, some of which might be Monopoly money.
4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq

See my challenge above.  If you’re an Evangelical Christian, however, you probably don’t use reference material much, so never mind.
5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq !

This was Abraham’s ancestral home, but he is linked to Haran in the Torah.  However, I completely understand why Evangelical Christians believe this without question.  After all, George Bush was born in Connecticut (making him a Yankee), but everyone believes he’s a Texan.  Go figure …
6. Isaac’s wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq !

I’ll give this one to them as I am fair and balanced (which really means that I’m completely biased, but come on now …)
7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq

Um, no … Aram would probably have been in Turkey/Northern Syria, so that geography is way off.  Of course, Saudi Arabian men attacked us on 9/11 guided out of Afghanistan which caused a pre-emptive war in Iraq, proving once and for all that follies in geographical attacks do have a Biblical concordance.

8. Jonah preached in Nineveh – which is in Iraq

Actually, Nineveh was Turkey/Iraq … in the general area …
9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel.

Again … in the general area, like IN THE MIDDLE EAST!
10. Amos cried out in Iraq !

No, he did this in Israel, and he never traveled outside of Israel/Judah.  It sure would help if Evangelical Christians actually read the Bible …
11 Babylon , which is in Iraq , destroyed Jerusalem

This is a bit misleading (big surprise!) since equating Babylon with a country younger than Paul Newman is a bit dubious.
12. Daniel was in the lion’s den in Iraq !

Again, dubious …
13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the Fiery Furnace!)

Last time I checked, Jesus was nowhere to be found in the “Old” Testament.  That’s the whole reason they wrote a ”New” one …
14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the “writing on the wall” in Iraq.

Babylon = present day Iraq :: Jesus = Republican 
15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq.

See above …

16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq ….

See above …

17. The wise men were from Iraq …

No, they were from the East which even in Biblical times, encompasses a pretty big area.  However, that does go with the modern day thinking that the entire Middle East is just one, big Arab country.
18. Peter preached in Iraq ..

Except that he’s never mentioned to be anywhere near there …
19. The “Empire of Man” described in Revelation is called Babylon , which was a city in
Iraq! And you have probably seen this one: Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible.

But do you know which nation is second?  It is Iraq !

This really is gonna piss off Egypt …

However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible.  The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar , and Mesopotamia … The word Mesopotamia
means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris And Euphrates Rivers ..

The name Iraq , means country with deep roots.  Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.  No other nation, except Israel , has more history and prophecy associated with it than Iraq.

Egypt:  Look over here!  Over here … You know the Pyramids and Moses?!?  What the hell do we have to do to get some recognition around here?!?!?

And also, this is something to think about: Since America is typically represented by an
eagle.  Saddam and Bin Laddin should have read up on their Muslim passages …
The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible):

Koran (9:11) – For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome
Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while
some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; And there was peace.

(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?!

Now this is the pinnacle of bullshit right here.  First, we are to imagine that bald eagles were seen in the Middle East.  Second, we have to imagine that an entire population of Evangelical Christians can’t summon enough rational thought to plug in www.snopes.com into their web browser, or at least Google the Koran. 

For those of you held in utter suspense, here it is folks, Chapter 9, Verse 11 of the Koran:

But if they repent and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, they are your brethren in faith; and We make the communications clear for a people who know.

It is difficult enough that people would use their own faith to propel their own prejudices and political views.  You would think if Iraq was so revered as a Biblical city, our country would have shown far more respect for the museums and historical landmarks within it.  Wasn’t it Rummy who said, when asked about the pillaging of the museums: “How many vases could there possibly be in Iraq?” 

It is far worse that so many will fall for it.  The correct information is easily accessible, and the argument is transparent in its irrationality. 

So I invite you, in this season of charity, to give the gift of Rational Thought to your fellow Evangelical Christians.  They will hate you for it and possibly end any sort of communication with you … but that’s only one of the perks.

Hello my little amigos and amigas!  What can I say to you?  I’m tan; I’m rested; I’m back from my lovely timeshare in Baghdad, Iraq.  All the new bourgeois are getting condos there – CondiGates, Rums-A-Gonzo, McDickBush.  Oh, how lovely it was! 

I believe my good friend McCain did a disservice in describing Iraq as “safe”.  Hell, it’s Disneyland with Iraqis!  Candide would’ve left Shrangrila in a New York minute for the beauty, the flare, the character, the – shall I say? – the je ne sais quio that ravishes my spirit. 

In Baghdad, the streets are lined with old dinar.  Farts smell like petunias, and you don’t have to buy anything, for merchants share their goods for free.  And mind you, those are not car bombings that the liberal media show you – why no!  Those are fire works that celebrate Iraq’s independence everyday!  I even got some freedom shrapnel lodged in my leg as a souvenir!! 

Those angry “insurgents” the liberal media show you, screaming angrily and waiving guns well, those are tour guides saying, “Come to Iraq, Americans!  Come, and I’ll show you the best Iraq has to offer!!” 

You know, I spent 6 days at a spa in Iraq.  Their detox facials comprise of hooding you in a black cloth, driving you around and then holding you in a small room for days.  By the time I finished, my complexion was clear and sweat out about 7 pounds!!!

How joyous it was being in Iraq as an American!  I miss it, dear readers.  I miss it.  Maybe I’ll invite my good friend, John McCain, to join me next time.  He can sleep on my couch, and since the streets are so safe for us Americans, I won’t even rent a car. 

Through one of my numerous, anonymous and possibly imaginary sources, I have learned that Iran is, in fact, going to send one of their top militias into the throngs of Baghdad. 

Mohammad Ali Hosseini, the Iranian Foreign Ministry Spokesman, noted earlier today that Iran is fully aware, from numerous messages stemming from the United States, that America hates gays.  Especially in the military. 

America hates the gay.  Even if they can fight.  Even if they are smart.  Even if they can sharp-shoot.  So we are prepared – if need be – to take advantage of that hatred.  Because we don’t like the gay much either, but hey … we’re not, like, total idiots. 

When pressed further about it, he demured, but let there be no question, according to my unchecked source, Iran is prepared to send in their QUD Lesbian Task Force. 

 This is a startling development in regards to the war in Iraq because heretofore, no high ranking official in the Iranian government has openly admitted to assisting any Shia militias in Iraq. 

We are not assisting any Shia militias in Iraq.  No, I’m not winking.  It’s a twitch for all of those restless nights thinking about our QUD Lesbian Task Force.  They really throw themselves head first into combat.  They could really lick anyone on the battlefield.  But we do have a vested interest in our neighboring country.  I must tell you though, I do feel very emboldened by all those Democrats who are supporting that non-binding resolution.  I think my penis has grown. 

Unnamed, unofficial, informal and dubious officials have recently said that Muqtada Al-Sadr has fled Iraq to go to Iran.  Whether Al-Sadr fled, or just simply traveled, is up for debate; although unofficials in the Pentagon have inferred through unreliable and anonymous sources that he fled to escape the Baghdad Security Forces and upcoming American Forces escalation. 

None of this has yet to substantiated, but Curveball is working on it.

Al-Sadr, pictured here doing his best Wolf Man impression, has sent word through a friend of a friend who is a second cousin once removed on his mother’s side, that he did not flee, but is undergoing a makeover and a career change. 

Muqtada Al-Sadr wants to act.

I have been inspired by Osama Bin Laden.  His past cave work, you know, the stuff from early in the millennium, really inspired me.  His performance is so subtle, yet complex.  And the camera work is so nuanced but straightforward at the same time.  I also enjoy Bollywood movies.  Oh and, death to America.

It just shows ladies and gentlemen, it’s never too late to follow your dream. 

Paul Bremmer has always had a propensity for losing things.  I remember when he visited Nar and me when we lived in Austin.  He was looking to hire some help for the rebuilding of Iraq and brought copies of his application with him for me to peruse.  It had the typical questions like:

1. Are you a Republican?
2. Would you do everthing within your power to help the President avoid responsibilty for this massive catastrophe?
3. Do you oppose abortion?
4. Are you gay? 
5. Are you sure?
6. Can you assist in transporting tons of cash?
7. Since this employment opportunity does not require fluent Arabic skills, can you communicate effectively using hand gestures?
8. Have you, or would you ever, do anything to embolden the terrorists (i.e., utilize your right to free speech, question any mission assigned to you, become disagreeable, etc.)?
9. Would you jump at the chance to convert Muslims to the correct religion of Christianity? 
10. Do you think a lot?

Well, long story short, Paul left the application at a local restaurant, and it literally took us hours before we found it again.  And of course, he didn’t make copies because, well, Paul’s definition of preparedness is:  knock it down then re-do it from scratch! 

Anyway, it finally got out about the 363 tons of cash.  In the interest of full disclosure, I was in Iraq when he realized he lost it.  He just stood by the front door, patting down his body, mumbling.

Paul:  I know I left it right over here.

Boo:  Well, where did you see it last?

Paul:  If I knew that, I would know where it is!

Boo:  No need to yell.

Paul:  Sorry.  It’s just so frustrating!  … I know I left it right here.  I remember thinking I’d leave it by the front door so I’d remember it.

Boo:  Try retracing your steps.

And it went on and on like that for hours, but we never found that 363 tons of cash.  We looked everywhere - under the bed, in the closet, under the seats of the Hummer.  That damn cash was nowhere to be found!  Too bad too … he was going to treat for lunch that day …

In case you missed Senators Mitch McConnell, Trent Lott, or Jon Kyl talking about fairness to the media this afternoon, it was truly a sight to behold.  The irony (read: hypocritical bullshit) was about as thick as Coca-Cola’s Black History Month commercial during the Superbowl.

To be fair, we should debate many Resolutions.  Everyone in this body has a voice – not many ideas – but a really loud voice, and it’s our Constitutional right to withhold an up or down vote to the Democrats the way they did to us when we were still pretending to be looking out for our constituents’ best interest.

~ Trent Lott, R-MS

OK, Trent never said that.  He did, however, call me about 100 times in 2005 during the Judicial Nominee voting fiasco, yell “NUCLEAR”, and hang up.  I never let on that I knew it was him because he gets really sensitive when he thinks he hasn’t made a funny … but I digress.

So what the hell is really going on here?  Well, you see, it’s simple really.  Muddy the waters enough so that many non-binding resolutions pollute the vote.  Then, come election time, Republicans can sorta still stand by the troops via the Commander-In-Chief putting them in harm’s way, while still opposing George Bush.  It’s like supporting something by not supporting it.  It’s like they’re spineless bastards playing politics with human life! 

And are any Democrats going to outwit, outlast, outplay the Republicans?  Maybe, maybe not.  You see, as long as the Republicans continue to frame the debate … oh, I’m sorry, let me rephrase:  As long as Democrats allow the Republicans to frame the debate on de-funding the war as being equivalent to not supporting our troops, then no.  And we’re fucked.  So what now?

Below, I propose my own non-binding resolution.  Feel free to vote yea or ney. 

Whereas the Senate has their tales up their collective asses,

And whereas we, the citizens of this country, gave a vote of “no confidence” to this President and this war,

And whereas we do not currently have the representation in Congress that by right is our Constitutional covenant with this country,

And whereas taxation only comes with representation,

We the people of the United States of America hereby decree this fifth day of February, two thousand and seven to withhold any tax payment to the government that no longer represents our beliefs, our interests, or our values.  We will withhold our taxes until the following terms are met:

• Legitimate progress must be made on the issue of redeployment for our troops in Iraq.
• Veterans benefits will be made in a timely manner.
• All veterans will have full access to healthcare, both mental and physical, aftercare upon return from Iraq.
• All American citizens will have full access to healthcare as it is a right, not a privilage, to be healthy in the weathiest nation on the planet.
• Our government will recognize its role on climate change, and make progress accordingly to solve our oil addiction and carbon emissions.
• Tax cuts will not only be for the rich.
• Families making $50,000 per year will receive more tax benefits than oil companies.
• The elected representatives will regard the will of the people and make no effort to obstruct our voices. 

Undersigned,

Boo Friedmann and the undersigned citizens of the United States of America

{… or you could just get your asses in line, and I’ll not only vote for you again, but I’ll take everyone out to the buffet at Sizzler’s.  My treat.  Really. I’ll use my refund.}

Osama Bin Laden thought that the lack of American resolve was a key reason why he can inspire people to come after us on September 11th.  I am not accusing members of the Senate of inviting carnage on the United States of America.  I’m simply saying you think about what impact it may have.

Tony Snow, White House Press Secretary and Master of the “I know what you are, but what am I?” level of discourse at the podium. 

I’m not amazed that the White House and their ilk continue to flock to transposition in order to defend what can no longer be defended.  Implanting bullshit ideas that have no truth or factual basis has proven an effective weapon against reality.  The idea becomes the truth through repetition, and the media is all too eager to play along. 

The White House enjoys this game of cat and mouse because no one followed up with the question no longer on anyone’s minds:

AND OSAMA BIN LADEN WOULD BE WHERE, EXACTLY???

Is Tony having lunch with OBL?  Do they email?  How does Tony have that laser-sharp insight into the very workings of his thought processes? 

Ironic how we want to spread democracy to the Middle East (actually, my bubbe would call it more of a “schmear”) but when we practice it over here we embolden the terrorists.  Of course, not knowing the difference between a Sunni, a Shia and a Sherpa probably doesn’t help much either. 

As long as the Executive Branch keeps scraping away at our freedom, the terrorists won’t have much of our freedom to hate any longer.  Thus effectively, if not rhetorically, ending the war on terror.  It’s brilliant really – they hate us, so we’ll just become them.  Bravo Dick Cheney and the Project For a New American Century.  Bravo …

I just received a copy of the warrants approved by the FISC Judge, and I’ve pasted them below.  Please do not ask me where I got this copy.  All I may say is, if the Government can play quid pro quo, so can I.  Other than that, I plead the 5th.“Any names herein matching the following shall the government of the United States of America be allowed to wiretap herein: