My mother lives in Spring, TX, and for those of you who don’t know, Houston and the surrounding areas are the Bible Chastity Belt.  As the only Jewish woman in a sea of Evangelical Christianity, she often gets email forwards about the love of Jesus, the love Jesus has for George Bush, and the love Evangelical Christians have for irrationality.  {I mean, really, if you believe in a trinity and can manage to call it monotheism … you’ll believe anything!}

Below, I have pasted one of these lovely email forwards to illustrate what we, in the Rational Revolution, are up against.  Read at your own risk (and blood pressure levels …).  I would also like to note that by referring to Evangelicals, I in no way mean to imply moderate, tolerant Christians – otherwise known as REAL Christians. 

My notes are in bold.

Was Pres Bush Wrong??? 

Read all of this one, it is interesting!!  Read down to the very bottom highlighted in green, IT’LL GIVE YOU GOOSEBUMPS!!!  You don’t want to miss this!  VERY INTERESTING-

The set up here is quite interesting, though it is complete and utter bullshit.  What the author would like to convey is Biblical evidence that the War in Iraq was somehow mandated in the Bible.  So, let’s give the author the benefit of the doubt and assume that he/she knew that Iraq was established in 1932 after WWI.  I have never found any reference to trench warfare in the Torah or the King James Bible, but I digress …

1. The Garden of Eden was in Iraq

We have no idea where the Garden of Eden was, and if we did, we would have already destroyed its natural resources for oil or other exploitative resources. 
2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!

This is absolutely true as long as you discount the entire continent of Africa, and honestly, we seem to do that at present so often, why not direct our apathy to the cradle of civilization as well?
3. Noah built the ark in Iraq

I will give $100 to anyone who can site a reference in the Bible of a geographical location directly connected to Noah.  That’s $100, some of which might be Monopoly money.
4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq

See my challenge above.  If you’re an Evangelical Christian, however, you probably don’t use reference material much, so never mind.
5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq !

This was Abraham’s ancestral home, but he is linked to Haran in the Torah.  However, I completely understand why Evangelical Christians believe this without question.  After all, George Bush was born in Connecticut (making him a Yankee), but everyone believes he’s a Texan.  Go figure …
6. Isaac’s wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq !

I’ll give this one to them as I am fair and balanced (which really means that I’m completely biased, but come on now …)
7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq

Um, no … Aram would probably have been in Turkey/Northern Syria, so that geography is way off.  Of course, Saudi Arabian men attacked us on 9/11 guided out of Afghanistan which caused a pre-emptive war in Iraq, proving once and for all that follies in geographical attacks do have a Biblical concordance.

8. Jonah preached in Nineveh – which is in Iraq

Actually, Nineveh was Turkey/Iraq … in the general area …
9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel.

Again … in the general area, like IN THE MIDDLE EAST!
10. Amos cried out in Iraq !

No, he did this in Israel, and he never traveled outside of Israel/Judah.  It sure would help if Evangelical Christians actually read the Bible …
11 Babylon , which is in Iraq , destroyed Jerusalem

This is a bit misleading (big surprise!) since equating Babylon with a country younger than Paul Newman is a bit dubious.
12. Daniel was in the lion’s den in Iraq !

Again, dubious …
13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the Fiery Furnace!)

Last time I checked, Jesus was nowhere to be found in the “Old” Testament.  That’s the whole reason they wrote a ”New” one …
14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the “writing on the wall” in Iraq.

Babylon = present day Iraq :: Jesus = Republican 
15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq.

See above …

16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq ….

See above …

17. The wise men were from Iraq …

No, they were from the East which even in Biblical times, encompasses a pretty big area.  However, that does go with the modern day thinking that the entire Middle East is just one, big Arab country.
18. Peter preached in Iraq ..

Except that he’s never mentioned to be anywhere near there …
19. The “Empire of Man” described in Revelation is called Babylon , which was a city in
Iraq! And you have probably seen this one: Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible.

But do you know which nation is second?  It is Iraq !

This really is gonna piss off Egypt …

However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible.  The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar , and Mesopotamia … The word Mesopotamia
means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris And Euphrates Rivers ..

The name Iraq , means country with deep roots.  Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.  No other nation, except Israel , has more history and prophecy associated with it than Iraq.

Egypt:  Look over here!  Over here … You know the Pyramids and Moses?!?  What the hell do we have to do to get some recognition around here?!?!?

And also, this is something to think about: Since America is typically represented by an
eagle.  Saddam and Bin Laddin should have read up on their Muslim passages …
The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible):

Koran (9:11) – For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome
Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while
some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; And there was peace.

(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?!

Now this is the pinnacle of bullshit right here.  First, we are to imagine that bald eagles were seen in the Middle East.  Second, we have to imagine that an entire population of Evangelical Christians can’t summon enough rational thought to plug in www.snopes.com into their web browser, or at least Google the Koran. 

For those of you held in utter suspense, here it is folks, Chapter 9, Verse 11 of the Koran:

But if they repent and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, they are your brethren in faith; and We make the communications clear for a people who know.

It is difficult enough that people would use their own faith to propel their own prejudices and political views.  You would think if Iraq was so revered as a Biblical city, our country would have shown far more respect for the museums and historical landmarks within it.  Wasn’t it Rummy who said, when asked about the pillaging of the museums: “How many vases could there possibly be in Iraq?” 

It is far worse that so many will fall for it.  The correct information is easily accessible, and the argument is transparent in its irrationality. 

So I invite you, in this season of charity, to give the gift of Rational Thought to your fellow Evangelical Christians.  They will hate you for it and possibly end any sort of communication with you … but that’s only one of the perks.

Members on both sides of the aisle love to accuse the other of “playing politics”.  Playing politics with the troops; the climate; the war; the terrorists; puppies. 

That’s right, politicians are accusing other politicians of “playing politics”.  I have a better idea -

WHY DON’T YOU WORK AT POLITICS?! 

That’s right … those of you voted into your job by us, the citizens of this country, are politicians.  Your job is to look for political solutions to complicated problems like, say, the entire Middle East.  What pissed us off in the first place is that a retarded cowboy and his cronies in office bombed the shit out of a country pre-emptively without seeking a political [read: diplomatic] solution. 

So why not work at politics?  And if you think someone is “playing politics”, play them this clip:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3tx29pSicI]

You might think that’s a monkey throwing poop at you, but it’s not.  It’s former Senator Rick Santorum talking shit about Terry Shiavo. 

Now get to work.

I want everyone to take a break from their day today and say a small prayer for my friend, Karl Rove.  I know, I know … he’s not everyone’s favorite evil genius, but he is a human being (sort of) who is under a lot of stress lately. 

You see, Karl needs to twist political rhetoric into befuddled logic for the American people in order to justify another bullshit war.  This is a huge task in and of itself.  The problem is, the American people aren’t so gullible anymore.  We know – for the most part – the fear tactics and problematic intelligence used the first time.  What’s that saying?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qDuG0ZYD5I]

Oh yeah … something like that.

So on the phone today with Karl, he was a bit upset.  Here’s just a tidbit of the conversation:

Karl:  I feel so bad … I just want someone to bring me warm milk and rub my tummy!

Boo:  What’s wrong, babe?

Karl:  I’ve lost it, Boo.  I’ve lost the touch.

Boo:  Don’t say that.  You can bullshit me with illogical rhetoric anyday!

Karl:  Really?

Boo:  Yeah.

I heard Karl blow his nose; it sounded like a freakin’ fog horn.

Karl:  You’re just sayin’ that.

Boo:  No, I’m not.  I totally buy all the bullshit about Iran.  I could totally blow the hell out of those people!

Karl:  Really?  I mean, like, the QUD’s force argument and all?

Boo:  Totally.

Karl:  What was your favorite part?  About my bullshit, I mean.

I had to take a moment to think about it.  There is just so much Rovian bullshit these days.

Boo:  Well, I like how you’re focusing on Iran and not, say, Saudi Arabia.  After all, Saudi Arabia is funding the Sunni militias who are responsible for 92% of the overall casualties and injuries to U.S. forces, but you’re focusing on Iran. 

Karl:  The Saudis own 18% of the country.  We have to divert attention.

Boo:  And it’s a brilliant scheme -

Karl:  Say that again.

Boo:  What?

Karl:  Brilliant scheme.

Boo:  Brilliant scheme.

Karl muttered what I think was a “oh yeah baby”, but I let it go.  Sometimes Karl can be creepy.  Friendly, but creepy.  Of course, you haven’t rubbed his tummy either, but I digress.

Boo:  Want to know my favorite part?

Karl:  YEAH!

I tried to do my best George Bush impression; I fear it’s really just a Ross Perot on cough medicine.

Boo:  “I don’t know what’s worse.  That the Iranian government knew about the QUDs force, or that it didn’t know about it.”

Karl started his belly laugh that can literally make the ground shake.  He once laughed so hard that he fell back in his chair.  I think that was over the whole WMD thing.  Who knows … there are just so many to count at this point.  But no one can make Karl Rove laugh like Karl Rove.  Not even Rummy.

Boo:  I mean, the argument clearly makes no sense whatsoever.  And I heard Tony repeat it at the White House Press Briefing.  Clearly, if the Iranian government knows about it, that is much worse because that is a clear indication of military interference by a country with forces greater than Iraq’s.  And if the Iranian government doesn’t know, that’s just another opening for possible diplomatic possibilities -

Karl:  Diplomacy is for pussies!

Boo:  Even though it works!

Karl:  Yeah!!!

Boo:  But if you just keep repeating -

Karl:  The country’ll be believing!

He loved that phrase.  Karl knows that if you repeat something enough, and show angry Muslims in the process, what you repeat will become truth.

Boo:  But do you ever feel bad, Karl?

Karl:  Bad about what?

Boo:  About the intellectual dishonesty?  About the bullshit you’re feeding to the American people? 

To his credit, Karl thought about this for a second.  Then I heard it.

The belly laugh … I guess that’s my answer.

The following quote from Mr. Donohue of the Catholic League is taken from his recent interview on “The Situation Room” with Wolf Blitzer, 7 February 2007.  He was commenting on the recent hire by the Edwards campaign of blogger, Amanda Marcotte, who dared to drop the F*bomb and utilize sarcasm on her blogs. 

His quote from the show in bold.

Don’t use insulting language like this …

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SdOA4eoLew]

This is insendiary … 

John Kerry never found an abortion he couldn’t justify … Well, first of all, the guy is an idiot. {MSNBC, Scarborough Country 4/12/2004}

This is inflammatory …

And of course, from the Jewish Forward to People magazine, we have learned that the new pope previously governed a Catholic office once associated with the Inquisition.  After listening to these people rant the idea of bringing it [the Inquisition] back is awfully tempting. {Catholic League News Release, Time For Non-Catholics to Butt Out.  22 April 2005}

It’s scurrilous …

As for the alleged abuse, it’s time to ask some tough questions.  First, there is a huge difference between being groped and being raped, so which was it, Mr. Foley?  Second, why didn’t you just smack the clergyman in the face?  After all, most 15-year-old teenage boys wouldn’t allow themselves to be molested.{Catholic League New Release, Mark Foley Plays the Catholic Card, 4 October 2006.}

It has no place being a part of any kind of, someone’s resume … 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1ETxDxIN3o&NR]

An astronaut, that’s right an ASTRONAUT (as in America’s weightless heroes … as in “One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind … as in Jack Nicholson in the tear-jerker Terms of Endearment) possibly maybe attempted murder or kidnapping or some good old fashioned bitch-slapping over a boyfriend or something.  Who knows – BUT IT’S HAPPENING NOW.  IT’S BREAKING NEWS.  IT’S A DEVELOPING STORY. 

The legal analysts are having wet dreams as we speak.  You could practically swim in Nancy Grace’s panties.  There are hearings; there are bonds being set … oh OH OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, I rarely climax during legal proceedings unless I’m dreaming about impeachment.  As CNN is “reporting”, in real fucking time by the way, this case is unprecedented.  And it has absolutely nothing to do with anything. 

Has the Senate made up?  Is there peace in the Middle East?  Did we solve that pesky genocide in Darfur?  Who cares? 

AN ASTRONAUT WAS ARRESTED.  SHE’S CUTE.  IT’S A LOVE TRIANGLE. 

IT’S JUST SO OFF-TOPIC … thanks fourth estate! 

Two devastating storms swept through central Florida last night.  The first, a huge tornado that hit Volusia County, Sumter County, Seminole County, and Lake County.  The second, callow reporters trying to get their 15 second sound byte on CNN. 

I remember watching the Sago Mine Disaster covered on CNN.  The families had just found out that their loved ones had all died in the mine, after being misinformed that they had lived.  After throwing vast amounts of money at the graphics and melodrama department, the channel apparently scraped the bottom of the barrel for a reporter who asked one of the family members the following question:

What was the mood when you found out only one miner survived?  What did you feel?

Hey CNN – here’s a simple mathematical equation for you:

Loss of a loved one / place of habitation + recent knowledge of said event = SADNESS. 

It works as well for the tornados.  When a person is standing in front of their home, or what was once their home which now looks like a pile of Lincoln Logs thrown haphazardly on the ground, THEY FEEL OVERWHELMED / CRUSHED / DEVASTATED.  And when you title your breaking news story Nightmare in Paradise, it makes what amounts to vast human tragedy into a Harlequin Novel.  A bad Harlequin Novel.  With Fabio on the cover. 

Osama Bin Laden thought that the lack of American resolve was a key reason why he can inspire people to come after us on September 11th.  I am not accusing members of the Senate of inviting carnage on the United States of America.  I’m simply saying you think about what impact it may have.

Tony Snow, White House Press Secretary and Master of the “I know what you are, but what am I?” level of discourse at the podium. 

I’m not amazed that the White House and their ilk continue to flock to transposition in order to defend what can no longer be defended.  Implanting bullshit ideas that have no truth or factual basis has proven an effective weapon against reality.  The idea becomes the truth through repetition, and the media is all too eager to play along. 

The White House enjoys this game of cat and mouse because no one followed up with the question no longer on anyone’s minds:

AND OSAMA BIN LADEN WOULD BE WHERE, EXACTLY???

Is Tony having lunch with OBL?  Do they email?  How does Tony have that laser-sharp insight into the very workings of his thought processes? 

Ironic how we want to spread democracy to the Middle East (actually, my bubbe would call it more of a “schmear”) but when we practice it over here we embolden the terrorists.  Of course, not knowing the difference between a Sunni, a Shia and a Sherpa probably doesn’t help much either. 

As long as the Executive Branch keeps scraping away at our freedom, the terrorists won’t have much of our freedom to hate any longer.  Thus effectively, if not rhetorically, ending the war on terror.  It’s brilliant really – they hate us, so we’ll just become them.  Bravo Dick Cheney and the Project For a New American Century.  Bravo …

Every so often, someone in the public eye spouts something so completely off base that it borders on the ridiculous.  I respectfully chronicle those vacations of mental pragmatism in a segment I like to call Chronicles of People Missing the Point.

First, in an effort to extend my gratitude at Bush’s gracious remarks to Speaker Pelosi, I quote him below.  Unlike some, I welcome even the appearance of his sincerity, since all consideration and respect have been lacking of late in the political arena:   

Thank you very much. Tonight, I have a high privilege and distinct honor of my own — as the first President to begin the State of the Union message with these words: Madam Speaker.

In his day, the late Congressman Thomas D’Alesandro, Jr., from Baltimore, Maryland, saw Presidents Roosevelt and Truman at this rostrum. But nothing could compare with the sight of his only daughter, Nancy, presiding tonight as Speaker of the House of Representatives. Congratulations.

Notice, however, that I refer to Bush as just Bush – not Mr. President, not President Bush, not even George Bush.  If he would truly like to receive the ceremonial respect of his post, he might stop using the term “Democrat Congress” within the chambers, knowing that it is an under-handed smear aimed at the other side of the aisle.  How about this – you use language that is not connotatively misleading and negetive, and we won’t mention how your tail, tucked firmly between your legs, made your suit fit awkwardly. 

But now onto the matters at hand.  Yes, earmarks are awful, unless you’re Ted Stevens (R-AK).  I actually agree with what Bush said about them:

Next, there is the matter of earmarks. These special interest items are often slipped into bills at the last hour — when not even C-SPAN is watching. In 2005 alone, the number of earmarks grew to over 13,000 and totaled nearly $18 billion. Even worse, over 90 percent of earmarks never make it to the floor of the House and Senate — they are dropped into Committee reports that are not even part of the bill that arrives on my desk. You did not vote them into law. I did not sign them into law. Yet they are treated as if they have the force of law. The time has come to end this practice. So let us work together to reform the budget process … expose every earmark to the light of day and to a vote in Congress … and cut the number and cost of earmarks at least in half by the end of this session.

Yes, earmarks cost a lot of money.  It is a Congressional problem for both Democrats and Republicans; however, I would say that Bush’s extensive use of Signing Statements costs more than money – it undercuts how our democracy is supposed to work.  Using Signing Statements more than 750 times to directly interpret the intent and constitutionality of a law threatens the delicate balance of our government.  And thus, he hit on an idea but completely missed the point.

The real lapse in policy resembling anything even orbiting this realm of reality came with this part of the speech about Health Insurance:

Tonight, I propose two new initiatives to help more Americans afford their own insurance. First, I propose a standard tax deduction for health insurance that will be like the standard tax deduction for dependents. Families with health insurance will pay no income or payroll taxes on $15,000 of their income. Single Americans with health insurance will pay no income or payroll taxes on $7,500 of their income. With this reform, more than 100 million men, women, and children who are now covered by employer-provided insurance will benefit from lower tax bills.

At the same time, this reform will level the playing field [italics are mine] for those who do not get health insurance through their job. For Americans who now purchase health insurance on their own, my proposal would mean a substantial tax savings — $4,500 for a family of four making $60,000 a year. And for the millions of other Americans who have no health insurance at all, this deduction would help put a basic private health insurance plan within their reach. Changing the tax code is a vital and necessary step to making health care affordable for more Americans.

This is right up there with the notion of trickle down economics as policy during the Reagan era.  Nothing exacerbated economic inequality like Reaganomics, and nothing makes less sense than giving a tax cut to people who can’t afford health insurance in the first place.  The working poor do not need a check from the Government in the spring to offset medical bills paid from the rest of the year – they need health insurance. 

This is not a difficult concept.  Everyone has a right to healthcare – not a privilage, a right.  May I go so far as to add, DUH!

Again, Bush hitting on an idea, but missing the point.  And thus, George W. Bush is hereby inducted into the CHRONICLES OF PEOPLE MISSING THE POINT. 

Congratulations.  Your certificate is in the mail.