My mother lives in Spring, TX, and for those of you who don’t know, Houston and the surrounding areas are the Bible Chastity Belt.  As the only Jewish woman in a sea of Evangelical Christianity, she often gets email forwards about the love of Jesus, the love Jesus has for George Bush, and the love Evangelical Christians have for irrationality.  {I mean, really, if you believe in a trinity and can manage to call it monotheism … you’ll believe anything!}

Below, I have pasted one of these lovely email forwards to illustrate what we, in the Rational Revolution, are up against.  Read at your own risk (and blood pressure levels …).  I would also like to note that by referring to Evangelicals, I in no way mean to imply moderate, tolerant Christians – otherwise known as REAL Christians. 

My notes are in bold.

Was Pres Bush Wrong??? 

Read all of this one, it is interesting!!  Read down to the very bottom highlighted in green, IT’LL GIVE YOU GOOSEBUMPS!!!  You don’t want to miss this!  VERY INTERESTING-

The set up here is quite interesting, though it is complete and utter bullshit.  What the author would like to convey is Biblical evidence that the War in Iraq was somehow mandated in the Bible.  So, let’s give the author the benefit of the doubt and assume that he/she knew that Iraq was established in 1932 after WWI.  I have never found any reference to trench warfare in the Torah or the King James Bible, but I digress …

1. The Garden of Eden was in Iraq

We have no idea where the Garden of Eden was, and if we did, we would have already destroyed its natural resources for oil or other exploitative resources. 
2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!

This is absolutely true as long as you discount the entire continent of Africa, and honestly, we seem to do that at present so often, why not direct our apathy to the cradle of civilization as well?
3. Noah built the ark in Iraq

I will give $100 to anyone who can site a reference in the Bible of a geographical location directly connected to Noah.  That’s $100, some of which might be Monopoly money.
4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq

See my challenge above.  If you’re an Evangelical Christian, however, you probably don’t use reference material much, so never mind.
5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq !

This was Abraham’s ancestral home, but he is linked to Haran in the Torah.  However, I completely understand why Evangelical Christians believe this without question.  After all, George Bush was born in Connecticut (making him a Yankee), but everyone believes he’s a Texan.  Go figure …
6. Isaac’s wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq !

I’ll give this one to them as I am fair and balanced (which really means that I’m completely biased, but come on now …)
7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq

Um, no … Aram would probably have been in Turkey/Northern Syria, so that geography is way off.  Of course, Saudi Arabian men attacked us on 9/11 guided out of Afghanistan which caused a pre-emptive war in Iraq, proving once and for all that follies in geographical attacks do have a Biblical concordance.

8. Jonah preached in Nineveh – which is in Iraq

Actually, Nineveh was Turkey/Iraq … in the general area …
9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel.

Again … in the general area, like IN THE MIDDLE EAST!
10. Amos cried out in Iraq !

No, he did this in Israel, and he never traveled outside of Israel/Judah.  It sure would help if Evangelical Christians actually read the Bible …
11 Babylon , which is in Iraq , destroyed Jerusalem

This is a bit misleading (big surprise!) since equating Babylon with a country younger than Paul Newman is a bit dubious.
12. Daniel was in the lion’s den in Iraq !

Again, dubious …
13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the Fiery Furnace!)

Last time I checked, Jesus was nowhere to be found in the “Old” Testament.  That’s the whole reason they wrote a ”New” one …
14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the “writing on the wall” in Iraq.

Babylon = present day Iraq :: Jesus = Republican 
15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq.

See above …

16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq ….

See above …

17. The wise men were from Iraq …

No, they were from the East which even in Biblical times, encompasses a pretty big area.  However, that does go with the modern day thinking that the entire Middle East is just one, big Arab country.
18. Peter preached in Iraq ..

Except that he’s never mentioned to be anywhere near there …
19. The “Empire of Man” described in Revelation is called Babylon , which was a city in
Iraq! And you have probably seen this one: Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible.

But do you know which nation is second?  It is Iraq !

This really is gonna piss off Egypt …

However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible.  The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar , and Mesopotamia … The word Mesopotamia
means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris And Euphrates Rivers ..

The name Iraq , means country with deep roots.  Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.  No other nation, except Israel , has more history and prophecy associated with it than Iraq.

Egypt:  Look over here!  Over here … You know the Pyramids and Moses?!?  What the hell do we have to do to get some recognition around here?!?!?

And also, this is something to think about: Since America is typically represented by an
eagle.  Saddam and Bin Laddin should have read up on their Muslim passages …
The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible):

Koran (9:11) – For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome
Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while
some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; And there was peace.

(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?!

Now this is the pinnacle of bullshit right here.  First, we are to imagine that bald eagles were seen in the Middle East.  Second, we have to imagine that an entire population of Evangelical Christians can’t summon enough rational thought to plug in www.snopes.com into their web browser, or at least Google the Koran. 

For those of you held in utter suspense, here it is folks, Chapter 9, Verse 11 of the Koran:

But if they repent and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, they are your brethren in faith; and We make the communications clear for a people who know.

It is difficult enough that people would use their own faith to propel their own prejudices and political views.  You would think if Iraq was so revered as a Biblical city, our country would have shown far more respect for the museums and historical landmarks within it.  Wasn’t it Rummy who said, when asked about the pillaging of the museums: “How many vases could there possibly be in Iraq?” 

It is far worse that so many will fall for it.  The correct information is easily accessible, and the argument is transparent in its irrationality. 

So I invite you, in this season of charity, to give the gift of Rational Thought to your fellow Evangelical Christians.  They will hate you for it and possibly end any sort of communication with you … but that’s only one of the perks.

On 15 November, the Democratic candidates debated each other in Las Vegas.  One issue in particular caught my attention, and that was the question posed by Wolf Blitzer when he asked, “When they clash, what is more important, human rights or national security?”  The framing of this question interests me – are these mutually exclusive goals in the 21st century?  And who set the framework for this type of conjecture? 

I think the answer to the latter is obvious as we have lived through a Presidency that would propose and carry out to limit the freedoms of its own citizens in order to provide – at least on the surface – a sense of security.  From the suspension of habeas corpus to the illegal spying of American citizens to soft media control, BushCo’s answer to the terrorist question is to become like them in order to fight them. 

Of course, the irrationality of our diminished freedoms at home stems from the fact that the great call of duty all neoconservatives assume upon their shoulders is the spread of democracy abroad.  As Bill Maher, one of the patron saints of this blog, observed:

[George Bush] is gonna spread freedom and democracy to the Iraqi people if he has to kill every last one of them to do it.

So we have the neocon’s answer to the question.  What about the Democratic candidates?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnktoDh3oOA&feature=related]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TJMkNF0hzk&feature=related]

If you needed more proof that Republicans continue to the frame debate, you need only listen to Blitzer’s assertion that “occassionally they could clash”, but also to Clinton’s and Dodd’s answer. 

Only Bill Richardson and Barack Obama maintained that the concepts are not mutually exclusive.  More importantly, I would maintain that if you tend to the issues of human rights, not only on a moral basis, but on an economic, social and political basis, it will make the United States safer. 

Samantha Power, Obama’s Foreign Policy Advisor, in her book A Problem from Hell, asserted the following:

… security for the Americans at home and abroad is contingent on international stability, and there is perhaps no greater source of havoc than a group of well-armed extremists bent on wiping out a people on ethnic, national, or religious grounds.

… the sad record of the last century shows that the walls of the United States tries to build around genocidal socities almost inevitably shatter.  States that murder and torment their own citizens target citizens elsewhere. 

~ Excerpt, page 513

We need only look to the lessons of the past – the lessons of Hilter who persecuted his own people and then moved across Europe, Saddam Hussein who tried to wipe out the Kurds and then waged war on Kuwait, and Molosevic spread his war from Slovenia to Bosnia and Kosovo – to see that leaders who will squelch the rights of their own citizens don’t necessarily play well with others, much less respect our borders. 

After all, the well-documented humanitarian crisis that existed under the Taliban reached our shores on September the 11th.  And we can see regimes today, like the government of Omar al-Bashir in Sudan, who not only mimic the Taliban in their cruelty, but also in their disrespect for the borders of their neighbors. 

We cannot build a wall around America, but we can ensure that the grievences of citizens around the world are not played out upon our national stage.  This does not mean policing the world, but it does mean that America needs to operate globally at a diplomatic intensity where the Geneva Convention is of utmost importance.  We need a President who understands that if the people of the world have their basic human rights, there will be no need to threaten our security. 

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, pictured above posing as a New York City cab driver, recently confessed to masterminding the 9/11 attacks, beheading Daniel Pearl, and trying to assassinate former Presidents.  Transcripts have recently been released regarding these confessions, and much classified information has been left out due to its sensitive material. 

But fear not, dear readers, for I – of course – have the FULL list of confessions by KSM.  Please read this at your discretion as there is much sensitive material below.

KSM:  “I planned 31 attacks and plots.  Death to America!  Four more and I would have received my commemorative clock.  I was responsible for the 9/11 operation from A to Z.  So don’t even bother looking for Osama Bin Laden.  He’s just our dashing front man, our Bono if you will.  We so got you America, you evil bastion of decadence!

We tried assassinating your beloved President, Bill Clinton, by sending virgins into his Harlem office.  They came out no longer virgins, but we will not let that hinder our mission!  I am the mastermind of the world!  And why is that Bill Clinton so suave?? 

I am very technologically inclined.  Every time you drop a call on your cell, yeah, that’s me.  And when you’re typing a document in Word, and the computer blips, and you lose everything … ha ha ha – that is me America! 

We are everywhere.  There is no place out of our reach.  Like when you’re driving and you know you’ve just put gas in your car, but your fuel gage says ‘empty’, you guessed it – me!

And when you put your keys down, and you know you put them on the counter, but they’re not there anymore – me!  So much fun to screw with America! 

You cannot run from me and my master mind!  I made your President retarded and made sure Laura Bush looked like Michael Jackson after her face lifts.  Oh, I really like the album Thriller, by the way. 

Ha ha ha America!  I am the mastermind of the world!  OF THE WORLD I SAY!!!”

Unnamed, unofficial, informal and dubious officials have recently said that Muqtada Al-Sadr has fled Iraq to go to Iran.  Whether Al-Sadr fled, or just simply traveled, is up for debate; although unofficials in the Pentagon have inferred through unreliable and anonymous sources that he fled to escape the Baghdad Security Forces and upcoming American Forces escalation. 

None of this has yet to substantiated, but Curveball is working on it.

Al-Sadr, pictured here doing his best Wolf Man impression, has sent word through a friend of a friend who is a second cousin once removed on his mother’s side, that he did not flee, but is undergoing a makeover and a career change. 

Muqtada Al-Sadr wants to act.

I have been inspired by Osama Bin Laden.  His past cave work, you know, the stuff from early in the millennium, really inspired me.  His performance is so subtle, yet complex.  And the camera work is so nuanced but straightforward at the same time.  I also enjoy Bollywood movies.  Oh and, death to America.

It just shows ladies and gentlemen, it’s never too late to follow your dream. 

  Ladies and gentlemen – this shut down Boston today.  And it took the Bomb Squad and Homeland Security an hour to figure out if a box with a magnet and a few lights in it could blow up a city. 

Oh G-d …

CNN covered the story with the same open ended ambiguity you’d expect from the most trusted name in news.  So the real question is, What will the terrorists think about Aqua Teen Hunger Force and it’s jihad against New England??