Deep within the woods of Bohemian Grove, Darth Cheney and his minion of Darkness summon the ghost of Ronald Reagan for all Republican candidates to worship. 

But these evil doers will not go unnoticed by THE SUPERCATS!  In their control room within the Halls of Cuteness, Professor Schmuel Birnbaum, Colonel Moishe Levinson, and Madam Chana “Swooshy” Schwartz spy the resurrection …

Colonel Moishe:  We must take action, my fellow Supercats!  We cannot continue to allow Republicans to worship at the alter of this man!

Professor Schmuel:  That’s right!  After all, this is a President who called the Voting Rights act “humiliating to the South!”  What kind of person builds a legacy on race-baiting?

Madam Chana:  Republicans do!  And that’s why we must stop them at their next debate!!

Traveling in disguise to the next Republican Debate, the Supercats make their move …

Just as the candidates summon the ghost of Ronald Reagan by forgetting not only the embarrassing incident at Bitburg, but also by turning their backs on black voters, Professor Schmuel jumps to action by raining golden showers on their parade!

Professor Schmuel:  Take that, you back door racists!!!

Then the entire team leaps to his side …

Colonel Moishe:  And this is for Neshoba!  Take that!

Professor Schuel:  Exorcize the demon, Madam! 

Madam Chana:  Right on, Professor!

Madam Chana uses her powers of cuteness to <zap!> the ghost of Ronald Reagan away from the current dialogue, paralyzing the Republican Candidates when they try to worship at the alter of Reagan. 

Madam Chana:  Take that, Reagan!  I’m diminishing your ghost into the Constitution! 

Professor Schmuel:  Now every time the Republicans want to revere Reagan, they’ll be forced to refer to the Constitution!  HAHAHAHA!!!!

Colonel Moishe:  Now that’s a document they’re not used to referring to!

AND THE SUPERCATS HAVE ONCE AGAIN SAVED THE DAY!

This installment of Supercats is dedicated to the memory of Punkin, one of the original Supercats.  She will be missed~

As we pay our respects and extend our gratitude to our great men and women of our armed forces for fighting for … something … there is a little known war at home being fought by small, American heroes.  Every Saturday, I hope to pay tribute to them with this blog. 

We set the scene in Hollywood, California:

The Hollywood Hills, once just a flag post for the crushed dreams of Midwestern actors thinking they could make it in the shark-invested waters of Los Angeles, now stand as a stark testament of the smog and pollution, choking what used to be one of the most beautiful cities in America (sans the plastic). Here, the city is under attack.  Our leaders turn the other cheek, getting soundly shot in the face by an enemy so dark, so loathsome, that no citizen has the will to stand up to him:

~ DICKZILLA ~

DICKZILLA:  “Arrggghhhh!!!”

He is everywhere, in everything.  In the dark corners of children’s nightmares, he lurks like an ugly predator, suffocating all that is good and right with the world … and he will not stop until he has crushed all resistance to his villainous plans. There is only one force strong enough to combat this malevolent spirit stalking our land.  Ladies and gentleman …

THE SUPER CATS!

{From left to right: Professor Schmuel Birnbaum, Madam Chana “Swishy” Schwartz, and Colonel Moishe Levinson, in front of The Hall of Cuteness}

These feline patriots of freedom have dedicated their lives to destroy the evil forces of Dickzilla and his ilk through utter cuteness. Oh No!  Dickzilla strikes first in a pre-emptive attack on our heroes! 

COLONEL MOISHE:  “Professor, behind you!”

MADAM CHANA:  “Schmuel, watch out! …. Noooooooooo!!”

{< ZAP!>}

PROFESSOR: “It takes more than gamma rays and a flacid nut sack to defeat our cuteness, Dickzilla!”

{< CAPOW!>}

DICKZILLA:  “Argghhhh!!!!”

Madam Chana goes for the jugular as The Professor severes the achilles heel, stopping Dickzilla from furthering his path of destruction!

Today, fellow Americans, we are safe … but for tomorrow, there will always be

THE SUPER CATS!