My mother lives in Spring, TX, and for those of you who don’t know, Houston and the surrounding areas are the Bible Chastity Belt.  As the only Jewish woman in a sea of Evangelical Christianity, she often gets email forwards about the love of Jesus, the love Jesus has for George Bush, and the love Evangelical Christians have for irrationality.  {I mean, really, if you believe in a trinity and can manage to call it monotheism … you’ll believe anything!}

Below, I have pasted one of these lovely email forwards to illustrate what we, in the Rational Revolution, are up against.  Read at your own risk (and blood pressure levels …).  I would also like to note that by referring to Evangelicals, I in no way mean to imply moderate, tolerant Christians – otherwise known as REAL Christians. 

My notes are in bold.

Was Pres Bush Wrong??? 

Read all of this one, it is interesting!!  Read down to the very bottom highlighted in green, IT’LL GIVE YOU GOOSEBUMPS!!!  You don’t want to miss this!  VERY INTERESTING-

The set up here is quite interesting, though it is complete and utter bullshit.  What the author would like to convey is Biblical evidence that the War in Iraq was somehow mandated in the Bible.  So, let’s give the author the benefit of the doubt and assume that he/she knew that Iraq was established in 1932 after WWI.  I have never found any reference to trench warfare in the Torah or the King James Bible, but I digress …

1. The Garden of Eden was in Iraq

We have no idea where the Garden of Eden was, and if we did, we would have already destroyed its natural resources for oil or other exploitative resources. 
2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!

This is absolutely true as long as you discount the entire continent of Africa, and honestly, we seem to do that at present so often, why not direct our apathy to the cradle of civilization as well?
3. Noah built the ark in Iraq

I will give $100 to anyone who can site a reference in the Bible of a geographical location directly connected to Noah.  That’s $100, some of which might be Monopoly money.
4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq

See my challenge above.  If you’re an Evangelical Christian, however, you probably don’t use reference material much, so never mind.
5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq !

This was Abraham’s ancestral home, but he is linked to Haran in the Torah.  However, I completely understand why Evangelical Christians believe this without question.  After all, George Bush was born in Connecticut (making him a Yankee), but everyone believes he’s a Texan.  Go figure …
6. Isaac’s wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq !

I’ll give this one to them as I am fair and balanced (which really means that I’m completely biased, but come on now …)
7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq

Um, no … Aram would probably have been in Turkey/Northern Syria, so that geography is way off.  Of course, Saudi Arabian men attacked us on 9/11 guided out of Afghanistan which caused a pre-emptive war in Iraq, proving once and for all that follies in geographical attacks do have a Biblical concordance.

8. Jonah preached in Nineveh – which is in Iraq

Actually, Nineveh was Turkey/Iraq … in the general area …
9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel.

Again … in the general area, like IN THE MIDDLE EAST!
10. Amos cried out in Iraq !

No, he did this in Israel, and he never traveled outside of Israel/Judah.  It sure would help if Evangelical Christians actually read the Bible …
11 Babylon , which is in Iraq , destroyed Jerusalem

This is a bit misleading (big surprise!) since equating Babylon with a country younger than Paul Newman is a bit dubious.
12. Daniel was in the lion’s den in Iraq !

Again, dubious …
13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the Fiery Furnace!)

Last time I checked, Jesus was nowhere to be found in the “Old” Testament.  That’s the whole reason they wrote a ”New” one …
14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the “writing on the wall” in Iraq.

Babylon = present day Iraq :: Jesus = Republican 
15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq.

See above …

16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq ….

See above …

17. The wise men were from Iraq …

No, they were from the East which even in Biblical times, encompasses a pretty big area.  However, that does go with the modern day thinking that the entire Middle East is just one, big Arab country.
18. Peter preached in Iraq ..

Except that he’s never mentioned to be anywhere near there …
19. The “Empire of Man” described in Revelation is called Babylon , which was a city in
Iraq! And you have probably seen this one: Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible.

But do you know which nation is second?  It is Iraq !

This really is gonna piss off Egypt …

However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible.  The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar , and Mesopotamia … The word Mesopotamia
means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris And Euphrates Rivers ..

The name Iraq , means country with deep roots.  Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.  No other nation, except Israel , has more history and prophecy associated with it than Iraq.

Egypt:  Look over here!  Over here … You know the Pyramids and Moses?!?  What the hell do we have to do to get some recognition around here?!?!?

And also, this is something to think about: Since America is typically represented by an
eagle.  Saddam and Bin Laddin should have read up on their Muslim passages …
The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible):

Koran (9:11) – For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome
Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while
some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; And there was peace.

(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?!

Now this is the pinnacle of bullshit right here.  First, we are to imagine that bald eagles were seen in the Middle East.  Second, we have to imagine that an entire population of Evangelical Christians can’t summon enough rational thought to plug in www.snopes.com into their web browser, or at least Google the Koran. 

For those of you held in utter suspense, here it is folks, Chapter 9, Verse 11 of the Koran:

But if they repent and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, they are your brethren in faith; and We make the communications clear for a people who know.

It is difficult enough that people would use their own faith to propel their own prejudices and political views.  You would think if Iraq was so revered as a Biblical city, our country would have shown far more respect for the museums and historical landmarks within it.  Wasn’t it Rummy who said, when asked about the pillaging of the museums: “How many vases could there possibly be in Iraq?” 

It is far worse that so many will fall for it.  The correct information is easily accessible, and the argument is transparent in its irrationality. 

So I invite you, in this season of charity, to give the gift of Rational Thought to your fellow Evangelical Christians.  They will hate you for it and possibly end any sort of communication with you … but that’s only one of the perks.

Deep within the woods of Bohemian Grove, Darth Cheney and his minion of Darkness summon the ghost of Ronald Reagan for all Republican candidates to worship. 

But these evil doers will not go unnoticed by THE SUPERCATS!  In their control room within the Halls of Cuteness, Professor Schmuel Birnbaum, Colonel Moishe Levinson, and Madam Chana “Swooshy” Schwartz spy the resurrection …

Colonel Moishe:  We must take action, my fellow Supercats!  We cannot continue to allow Republicans to worship at the alter of this man!

Professor Schmuel:  That’s right!  After all, this is a President who called the Voting Rights act “humiliating to the South!”  What kind of person builds a legacy on race-baiting?

Madam Chana:  Republicans do!  And that’s why we must stop them at their next debate!!

Traveling in disguise to the next Republican Debate, the Supercats make their move …

Just as the candidates summon the ghost of Ronald Reagan by forgetting not only the embarrassing incident at Bitburg, but also by turning their backs on black voters, Professor Schmuel jumps to action by raining golden showers on their parade!

Professor Schmuel:  Take that, you back door racists!!!

Then the entire team leaps to his side …

Colonel Moishe:  And this is for Neshoba!  Take that!

Professor Schuel:  Exorcize the demon, Madam! 

Madam Chana:  Right on, Professor!

Madam Chana uses her powers of cuteness to <zap!> the ghost of Ronald Reagan away from the current dialogue, paralyzing the Republican Candidates when they try to worship at the alter of Reagan. 

Madam Chana:  Take that, Reagan!  I’m diminishing your ghost into the Constitution! 

Professor Schmuel:  Now every time the Republicans want to revere Reagan, they’ll be forced to refer to the Constitution!  HAHAHAHA!!!!

Colonel Moishe:  Now that’s a document they’re not used to referring to!

AND THE SUPERCATS HAVE ONCE AGAIN SAVED THE DAY!

This installment of Supercats is dedicated to the memory of Punkin, one of the original Supercats.  She will be missed~

My good friend, Scott McClellan, shown at left demonstrating the size of Karl Rove’s breasts for the White House Press Corps (ok, just Jeff Gannon), recently dropped a literary bomb on Plame Gate:

“I stood at the White House briefing room podium in front of the glare of the klieg lights for the better part of two weeks and publicly exonerated two of the senior most aides in the White House: Karl Rove and Scooter Libby.  There was one problem. It was not true.

[I] unknowingly passed along false information. And five of the highest-ranking officials in the administration were involved in my doing so: Rove, Libby, the vice president, the president’s chief of staff, and the president himself.”

Since the news errupted Tuesday, Scott has not granted any interviews to the press; however, I did receive an email from him yesterday.  I have printed it below as I’m sure he won’t mind dealing with the leak …

‘Sup Boo,

Dude … what up?  Did you see that release about the boys club?  I can totally see that Dick’s face when they read it … and Cheney’s too … LOL!  I’m so freakin tired of being the butt of everyone’s jokes around there.  I’m Scott mother fuckin’ McClellan mother fuckers!  And they can’t mess with this Irish boy any longer!!!

No more being the taste tester for Dick’s food.  No more signs taped to my back that read “dough-boy”.  No more high-5’s that leave me hangin’.  Fuck dat noise, girl!  I’m gonna be heard like Paul Revere! 

And ya know what else?  That Georgie Porgie never invited me to the ranch after Tony came on board.  He stood on TV and said we’d be like, rockin on porch swings and shit.  HE LIED TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ABOUT IT!  What the fuck is that all about?!?!?!  How can you lie about something like that???  I called him and he was like, “Uh, Scott … I gotta see about blah blah blah” and then I totally heard Tony Snow with his Ken Doll big fat head laughing in the background. 

And don’t even get me started on Dana Perino.  That twat wouldn’t know how to lie believably at the Daily Press Briefing if her hair dye depended on it! 

So now the bombs are coming girl.  Maybe if they’d been a little nicer, I woulda lied for them a little longer, but no!  And yeah, I coulda done the right thing while I was in the administration, but dang!  I thought they were my friends.  Like a family, ya know!  Nobody messes with Scott MOTHER FUCKIN’ MCCLELLAN! 

Peace out.

Scott M.

P.S:  Am I invited to Thanksgiving or what??

On 15 November, the Democratic candidates debated each other in Las Vegas.  One issue in particular caught my attention, and that was the question posed by Wolf Blitzer when he asked, “When they clash, what is more important, human rights or national security?”  The framing of this question interests me – are these mutually exclusive goals in the 21st century?  And who set the framework for this type of conjecture? 

I think the answer to the latter is obvious as we have lived through a Presidency that would propose and carry out to limit the freedoms of its own citizens in order to provide – at least on the surface – a sense of security.  From the suspension of habeas corpus to the illegal spying of American citizens to soft media control, BushCo’s answer to the terrorist question is to become like them in order to fight them. 

Of course, the irrationality of our diminished freedoms at home stems from the fact that the great call of duty all neoconservatives assume upon their shoulders is the spread of democracy abroad.  As Bill Maher, one of the patron saints of this blog, observed:

[George Bush] is gonna spread freedom and democracy to the Iraqi people if he has to kill every last one of them to do it.

So we have the neocon’s answer to the question.  What about the Democratic candidates?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnktoDh3oOA&feature=related]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TJMkNF0hzk&feature=related]

If you needed more proof that Republicans continue to the frame debate, you need only listen to Blitzer’s assertion that “occassionally they could clash”, but also to Clinton’s and Dodd’s answer. 

Only Bill Richardson and Barack Obama maintained that the concepts are not mutually exclusive.  More importantly, I would maintain that if you tend to the issues of human rights, not only on a moral basis, but on an economic, social and political basis, it will make the United States safer. 

Samantha Power, Obama’s Foreign Policy Advisor, in her book A Problem from Hell, asserted the following:

… security for the Americans at home and abroad is contingent on international stability, and there is perhaps no greater source of havoc than a group of well-armed extremists bent on wiping out a people on ethnic, national, or religious grounds.

… the sad record of the last century shows that the walls of the United States tries to build around genocidal socities almost inevitably shatter.  States that murder and torment their own citizens target citizens elsewhere. 

~ Excerpt, page 513

We need only look to the lessons of the past – the lessons of Hilter who persecuted his own people and then moved across Europe, Saddam Hussein who tried to wipe out the Kurds and then waged war on Kuwait, and Molosevic spread his war from Slovenia to Bosnia and Kosovo – to see that leaders who will squelch the rights of their own citizens don’t necessarily play well with others, much less respect our borders. 

After all, the well-documented humanitarian crisis that existed under the Taliban reached our shores on September the 11th.  And we can see regimes today, like the government of Omar al-Bashir in Sudan, who not only mimic the Taliban in their cruelty, but also in their disrespect for the borders of their neighbors. 

We cannot build a wall around America, but we can ensure that the grievences of citizens around the world are not played out upon our national stage.  This does not mean policing the world, but it does mean that America needs to operate globally at a diplomatic intensity where the Geneva Convention is of utmost importance.  We need a President who understands that if the people of the world have their basic human rights, there will be no need to threaten our security. 

Before tonight’s Democratic Debate in Los Vegas on CNN, I wanted to sit down with my good friend, Wolf Blitzer, to get the head’s up on the event.  What I discovered was shocking – a drinking game composed by my other good friends, Anderson Cooper and Larry King.  I swiped a copy of it and reproduced it below:

• Everytime Hillary Clinton uses the word “experience”, take a sip of beer while rolling your eyes.
• Everytime Mike Gravel goes on an insane rant about his fellow candidates, slip your grandmother’s panties on and take a shot of whiskey. 
• Everytime Dennis Kucinich makes way too much sense for a political candidate – much less a leprechan - eat a bowl of Lucky Charms poured in Jim Beam. 
• Everytime Joe Biden shows his pearly whites – which is actually two big porcelein bones wrapped around his jaw – brush your teeth with your favorite vodka.
• Everytime Barack Obama uses his refreshing good looks and swagger to look like more of a human than the Hillarybot, pour Kaluha in your partners mouth and make out through the commercial break.
• Everytime Wolf asks Hillary a question, and she responds, “That’s not the question we planted for you, asshole!” – water your Chia pet with Bicardi.
• Everytime Bill Richardson lists how much more experience he has than everyone else, exclaim, “yeah, but …” and take a shot of tequila.
• Everytime Chris Dodd … oh nevermind …
• Everytime Wolf Blitzer mistakenly refers to Barack Obama as Osama Bin Laden, howl at the moon and throw your TV out the window … after all, by this point, we’re drunk enough. 

 So it seems I tousled the feathers – but NOT the salad – of Mr. Jeff Gannon with my most recent blog about Hillary Clinton planting questions on the campaign trail. 

Mr. Gannon left me a nugget in the comment section:

Stop your lies. I never asked any questions remotely resembling the example you cite. In fact, in my recently published book, “The Great Media War: A Battlefield Report” I destroy the myth of a softball tosser with actual transcripts that show many of my questions were rather unfriendly to the White House.

Pick up a copy and get educated: www.thegreatmediawar.com

Cheers!

As you know, I love to respond to as many comments as I can:

Dearest Jeff,
If I didn’t watch C-SPAN or the White House Press Briefing, I would believe you. You know those little square things on sticks? Those are cameras, and they record the questions you ask.

Also, I might remind you that this is satire to make a point. And to that end, let me say you look fabulous in a speedo

Thanks for stopping by~

Oh, Jeff … I’m sure you asked many hard-hitting, penetrating questions.  You probed the inner depths of White House inconsistencies with vim and vigor.  Come back to us, Jeff.  For the love of G-d … come back. 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsf0oaSdkyw]

Don’t you miss the simple days of Jeff Gannon asking softball questions like:

Why do Democrats hate our troops and this country so much? 

We on the Left condemned the practice because planting questions is for neo-cons – it is a veiled practice that calls into question not only the honesty, but the integrity of a politician positioning themselves in a Town Hall Meeting … It’s something a candidate or a President does when they don’t want to face the right of private citizens or journalists to ask valid questions.  And yet, the liberal blogs and commenters are condemning this as “distraction”. 

Why are we apologizing for her??? Why is it wrong when Bush does it, but not when Hillary does it? Arguing that Bush does it worse is no rational argument. It’s just apologist loser mentality.

Remember, for every planted question in a town hall meeting, there is a concerned citizen who won’t get to practice their right to question a future president.

That’s the complete antithesis of Democracy.

Are we so numb as citizens in a “free” country that this has become OK?  Have we been so abused by the current administration that we should take this type of behavior from someone who promises change?  Should we not demand more?  Should we not demand free and open dialogue to prevent another BushCo in the White House? 

I will not vote for Hillary.  She lost any chance of getting my vote when she cowardly voted for the Iraq War on a rushed National Intelligence Estimate transparent with holes and problems.  If you do not have the strength of character and reasoning to cast an unpopular – yet legitimate – vote against a bullshit war, why the hell do you think you have the consummate skills and strength to be President? 

We deserve more as citizens.  We deserve a free and open exchange of ideas from our candidates.  We deserve to question openly and deserve to be answered honestly. 

Hillary doesn’t want to do that. 

We deserve more than that.

I have to be honest, I don’t usually have lunch with the co-hosts of The View unless it’s for my usual Krav Manga sparring session with Barbara Walters.  And yes, it is infinite fun to hear Bab’s proclaim, “It’s time to wustle in the gween woom!”  Today, however, was different because my good friend, Laura Ingraham (pronounced Lauwa Ingwaham) was the special co-host, and as promised, the Hot Topics were about as hot as Tipper Gore’s panties when Al talks about global warming. 

During the heated discussion, my friend Laura made the assertion that “We have right now in Iraq really good news coming out of Baghdad … You can say with your narrative that we’re big losers.”

When questioned by Barbara, Ingraham retorted: “Do you want a change, Barbara (pronouned with the ‘r’)?  Do you want to win?”

No feathers flew.  Even Whoopi’s dreads remained perfectly in place, but I still wanted to check in with my girl after the show to hear some reactions.  A rushed transcript is below.

Boo:  So Laura, it’s been a long time.

Laura:  Yeah.  Not since I discovered you and Ann Coulter making out in the broom closet of PNAC. 

Boo:  I told you I didn’t want to talk about that.

Laura:  Whore.

Boo:  Jealous bitch. 

Laura:  G-d, I love you. 

Boo:  Laura, can we please get on with the discussion?

Laura:  Yes.  Be gentle with me. 

I rolled my eyes just wide enough to see Joy Behar moon me from the hallway.  Jesus that woman has a nice set of buns.

Boo:  So, Laura, you mentioned on the show that good news is coming out of Iraq right now.  You thereby implied that criticizing the situation created a loser mentality.  Would you like to comment further on that?

Laura:  Well, we need to honor our troops this Veteran’s Day by talking about what they’re doing right as opposed to focusing on what’s going wrong. 

Boo:  But isn’t that just a manipulative ploy to draw attention away from the fact that we’re criticizing and questioning the policy and the plan, not the soldiers carrying out that policy and that plan?

Laura:  Yes.

Boo:  Did you just say yes?

Laura:  Read my lips.

She then took her tongue and licked in a counter-clockwise motion around her mouth.  I swallowed the little trickle of vomit that collected in mine.

Boo:  Then why are Iraq veterans coming home and committing suicide in record numbers if everything is so dandy?

Laura:  Well, that’s the left for you.  Always parading the victim.

Boo:  But this is the soldiers.

Laura:  They should support the troops and not kill themselves. 

Boo:  But more soldiers have died this year, 854 to be exact, than any year of the war.

Laura:  Whatever.  Things are awesome in Iraq.  I would totally take up pottery classes there.

Boo:  So you don’t want to acknowledge that corruption is a huge problem in Iraq?

Laura:  Corruption is being taken care of by our forces.

Boo:  But that’s a political issue.  It’s a diplomatic issue, not a military issue.  Stuart Bowen, the Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction equated corruption to a “second insurgency”. 

Laura:  Why don’t we talk about the pornification of American culture.  Don’t you and Ann have a DVD?

Boo:  I don’t think so. 

Laura leans over to me and whispers huskily:

Laura:  I wouldn’t call that porn, sweetie.  That’s an education video. 

Then she uncrossed and recrossed her legs vis a vis Basic Instinct.  She wore White House issued Cheney undies.  It was pretty hairy … pardon the pun. 

Boo:  The February 2007 National Intelligence Estimate said, and I quote:

Nevertheless, even if violence is diminished, given the current winner-take-all attitude and sectarian animosities infecting the political scene, Iraqi leaders will be hard pressed to achieve sustained political reconcilliation in the time frame of this Estimate.

Boo (cont):  Do you want to comment on that?

Laura:  I don’t comment on facts.  I comment on narratives. 

Boo:  Alrighty then.  What about asking Barbara if she wanted to win in Iraq?  Do you think that maybe we need to alter our language on that front? 

Laura:  That depends on if you want to win in Iraq.   

Boo:  Do you think we can win a civil war?

Laura:  We did the first time.

Boo:  Are you referencing the American Civil War?

Laura:  Um, yeah!

She flipped her hair so hard I thought her bobble-head was going to fly off her shoulders.

Boo:  How does that make any rational sense?

Laura:  I’m a neocon apologist, CitizenBoo.  I don’t need to make rational sense.

At that, she got up and gathered her things.  On her way out, she looked over her shoulder and did the “call me” hand signal to me.  Although tempted, I have to pass.  After all, Michelle Malkin might get jealous.