Archive for the ‘CHRONICLES OF PEOPLE MISSING THE POINT’Category

Chronicles of People Missing the Point – Boxer Edition

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWZT_izTmJc]

Can someone please pass Democrats the memo that holding Cheney and the war mongers responsible for the war will – hold your breathe for the shock! – get us out of the war!

Don’t get me wrong, I love Barbara.  I love her in a Dustin Hoffman Graduate sort of way, but this perpetual rhetorical dichotomy being framed by the Democrats illustrates the problem we’re in – namely that the Dem’s are trapped in a Rovian dialectic.

So let’s do the math:

Blowjob on Clinton + Reckless Republican Witch Hunt Spending = Total Waste of Tax Dollars for Impeachment Proceedings. 

However, when you’re holding someone accountable for something, let’s say, like a war that never should have been fought, those mathematics are inversely proportional.  For you on the right, it means that it’s worth it. 

So while I appreciate Bab’s, we’ll have to etch the scoreboard for now that she hit the target but missed the point.

Congratulations … your certificate is in the mail. 

09

11 2007


by boo
posted in Barbara Boxer, CHRONICLES OF PEOPLE MISSING THE POINT
2 Comments

Chronicles of People Missing the Point – Hardball Edition

Every once in a while, someone in the public eye spouts something so completely off base that it borders on the ridiculous.  I respectfully chronicle those vacations of mental pragmatism in a segment I like to call CHRONICLES OF PEOPLE MISSING THE POINT. 

So I had this nightmare recently (try 10 minutes ago) where I was sitting in a room filled with 5th graders in a media class taught by my friend, Chris Matthews.  I’m not sure if he too was in the 5th grade, but really, who can tell with those pinchable cheeks of his?  I was an adult sitting at what felt like a Fisher Price school set. 

Chris, wearing a crisply pressed academic robe, wrote ferociously on the chalkboard the following question:

Why has the level of discourse in the media sunk to such shocking levels [NOTE: Instead of a question mark, he drew a picture of a middle finger.]

Like the echoes of yester-year, my right arm flew up practically dislocating itself from my shoulder.  A 9 year old Larry King laughed at me until I wiggled from my desk and drop-kicked his back pack down the aisle.  His glasses fogged he wailed so much.

Chris didn’t call on me.  Bastard.  Why don’t teachers ever call on me?

Chris:  Rita?

Anderson:  I thought Rita Cosby was in the slow class!

Chris:  Mr. Cooper, your attitude better do a 360 turn-around, my friend.

Boo:  Then he’d be back where he started.

Chris:  Rita, do you have anything you’d like to contribute to the class?

Rita:  Larry Birkhead said Dannielynn has Anna’s eyes.

She pulled a nut from her cheek, sniffed it, then ate it.

Chris:  Anyone? … Fine.  Boo, why has -

Finally my moment had arrived!  I sat up as straight as I could in my midget desk.

Boo:  You see, Mr. Matthews -

Chris:  Is my father here? 

Chris darted out the door to look down the hallway.

Chris:  Shit!  My brick of hash -

Boo:  You are Mr. Matthews, retard.

He froze, trying to recover his cool with a grin.  It didn’t work.

Boo:  Can I continue?

Chris:  Go ahead.

Boo:  You see, unlike in the days of Edward R. Murrow, news divisions have to make money.  Since money comes from advertising dollars, ratings drive the content of newscasts instead of news.  So stations have to broadcast more and more bizarre things and bullshit news stories to drive ratings and keep the ad dollars flowing. 

Chris:  Really?

Boo:  Well, yeah … That and the fact that you continue to treat people like Ann Coulter like journalists.  Elizabeth Edwards asking Ann Coulter to refrain from personally insulting people to sell books is like asking Dick Cheney to read the Constitution!  She even admitted that insulting people and writing books are the same thing to her!!  She’s fucking Andy Kaufman in drag!!!

Keith:  Worst.  Person.  In the worrrrrrrrld!

Anderson:  She said fucking!

Rita:Where’s your sense of decency?

All:  Shut up, Rita!

Chris:  Folks, can we regroup here for a second?

Chris looked so mad his cheeks were the color of Rita Cosby’s hooker lipstick. 

Chris:  It’s just … It’s just that …

Boo:  What?

Chris:  She’s ratings gold!  Gold as her beautiful, blonde hair …

Boo:  There, there. 

Suddenly we were transported back to Chris’s high school room decorated wall-to-wall with pictures of Yoko Ono.

Boo:  Really?  Yoko Ono?

Chris:  SHE HAS A BEAUTIFUL MOUTH! 

I could tell right away that between me and a two-dimensional Yoko, not many girls had set foot in this room.  My pity kicked in, and I gave Chris a little hug.  He then completely ruined the moment by trying to feel me up. 

Such as it is with my friends in the media – they paint the target and miss the point.

Congratulations.  Your certificate is in the mail. 

26

06 2007


by boo
posted in Ann Coulter, CHRONICLES OF PEOPLE MISSING THE POINT, Chris Matthews, Media, Politics, Presidential Campaign
6 Comments

Chronicles of People Missing the Point – MSNBC Edition

Every once in a while a public official spouts something so completely off base that it borders on the ridiculous.  I respectfully chronicle those vacations of mental pragmatism in a segment I like to call CHRONICLES OF PEOPLE MISSING THE POINT. 

Without missing a beat, MSNBC has filled the Don “I’m not a racist, I just talk like one” Imus show with the Cho Seung-Hui show. 

Steve Capus, President of MSNBC said of the change:

This was such a difficult decision.  It really took some soul searching.  Here, let me put this bat shit crazy ranting on continuous loop so you can see how difficult it was.

I was talking to my friend, Chris Matthews, about the decision. 

Chris:  Look at the vest on that guy!  That means he was really planning to reload.

Boo:  I think I’ve seen enough.

Chris:  It’s just so tragic.  LOOK AT HOW CRAZY HE IS!  LOOK!  AGAIN!!!

I had to leave because Tucker wouldn’t stop playing with his Asian Ken doll.

Tucker:  I’m crazy!  I’m just so CCCRRRAAAZZZZZYYYYYYYYY.  Pointing my guns at you!  Pointing my guns at you sane people.  Pow pow pow  …..

I walked out … OK, I ran, past the music guys composing cool, yet tragic synthesizer riffs for the story, into Brian Williams. 

Brian:  Whoa there, Boo.  You almost messed up my concealer.

Boo:  Sorry, Brian.  You know how I love you, Brian.

Brian:  Yeah.

Boo:  Can I ask you something?

Brian:  Only if I can answer with my cool as milk Brian Williams charm.

Boo: … OK.  Why was it that all the news stations immediately stated that what occurred wasn’t terrorism?

Brian:  Because it wasn’t.  No Arabs were involved.

Boo:  Yes, but … isn’t what Cho Seung-Hui did the very definition of terrorism?  Is the media just conditioning the American people that Arabs equal terrorism? 

Brian:  Yes … but … I need go be handsome elsewhere.

Boo:  OK then …

And there you have it.  MSNBC – hitting the target, but missing the point.   And thus, MSNBC is inducted into CHRONICLES OF PEOPLE MISSING THE POINT.

Congratulations.  Your certificate is in the mail.

19

04 2007


by boo
posted in CHRONICLES OF PEOPLE MISSING THE POINT, Chris Matthews, Media
6 Comments

Chronicles of People Missing the Point – McCain Edition

Every once in a while a public official spouts something so completely off base that it borders on the ridiculous.  I respectfully chronicle those vacations of mental pragmatism in a segment I like to call CHRONICLES OF PEOPLE MISSING THE POINT.

 [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPRhPWpK8fo]

As most of you know, I’m good friends with John McCain.  He’s a supportive guy, a good listener, quite affable, but I never leaned on him much for his, say … intellectual curiosity.  So when I saw this clip on C-SPAN (I’m an avid watcher … like the terrorists), I took issue with

BOO SHUT UP!  DON’T SAY ANOTHER WORD.  ISN’T IT A LITTLE BIT, JUST A LITTLE BIT OF AN INTELLECTUAL PROBLEM TO SAY THAT YOU SUPPORT OUR TROOPS, THEN MAKE FUN OF ME … A FORMER TROOP.  ISN’T THAT A VOTE OF NO CONFIDENCE FOR OUR TROOPS???!!!!!!

Everyone, John McCain is sitting at my desk right now.  I’m actually typing this over him, and he refuses to budge.  At least say hello to my readers, John.

HELLO.  MCCAIN 2008!!!

Thanks.  Um, John, what I was going to point out is that you’re missing the point that people are taking issue with.  You see, they’re criticizing the policy – handed down from the Commander-In-Chief that the troops are ordered to carry out.  The troops have nothing to do with their mission, thus the nature of the military structure.  So to say that anyone taking issue with a policy, or promoting a resolution that examines the qualities of said policy, is not supporting our troops is pandering … which is intellectually dishonest.  Does that make sense?  And can I have my seat back?  Typing like this makes my back hurt.

………..

………..

{long silence as John collects his thought …}

MCCAIN 2008!!!!!  

HOW ABOUT SOME LUNCH? 

That’d be great, John.  How’s the fire ant problem?

DON’T ASK.

Well, there you have it.  John McCain – hitting on an idea, but missing the point.  And thus, John McCain is inducted into the CHRONICLES OF PEOPLE MISSING THE POINT. 

Congratulations.  Your certificate is in the mail.   

08

02 2007


by boo
posted in CHRONICLES OF PEOPLE MISSING THE POINT, John McCain, Uncategorized
1 Comment

Chronicles of People Missing the Point – SOTU Edition

Every so often, someone in the public eye spouts something so completely off base that it borders on the ridiculous.  I respectfully chronicle those vacations of mental pragmatism in a segment I like to call Chronicles of People Missing the Point.

First, in an effort to extend my gratitude at Bush’s gracious remarks to Speaker Pelosi, I quote him below.  Unlike some, I welcome even the appearance of his sincerity, since all consideration and respect have been lacking of late in the political arena:   

Thank you very much. Tonight, I have a high privilege and distinct honor of my own — as the first President to begin the State of the Union message with these words: Madam Speaker.

In his day, the late Congressman Thomas D’Alesandro, Jr., from Baltimore, Maryland, saw Presidents Roosevelt and Truman at this rostrum. But nothing could compare with the sight of his only daughter, Nancy, presiding tonight as Speaker of the House of Representatives. Congratulations.

Notice, however, that I refer to Bush as just Bush – not Mr. President, not President Bush, not even George Bush.  If he would truly like to receive the ceremonial respect of his post, he might stop using the term “Democrat Congress” within the chambers, knowing that it is an under-handed smear aimed at the other side of the aisle.  How about this – you use language that is not connotatively misleading and negetive, and we won’t mention how your tail, tucked firmly between your legs, made your suit fit awkwardly. 

But now onto the matters at hand.  Yes, earmarks are awful, unless you’re Ted Stevens (R-AK).  I actually agree with what Bush said about them:

Next, there is the matter of earmarks. These special interest items are often slipped into bills at the last hour — when not even C-SPAN is watching. In 2005 alone, the number of earmarks grew to over 13,000 and totaled nearly $18 billion. Even worse, over 90 percent of earmarks never make it to the floor of the House and Senate — they are dropped into Committee reports that are not even part of the bill that arrives on my desk. You did not vote them into law. I did not sign them into law. Yet they are treated as if they have the force of law. The time has come to end this practice. So let us work together to reform the budget process … expose every earmark to the light of day and to a vote in Congress … and cut the number and cost of earmarks at least in half by the end of this session.

Yes, earmarks cost a lot of money.  It is a Congressional problem for both Democrats and Republicans; however, I would say that Bush’s extensive use of Signing Statements costs more than money – it undercuts how our democracy is supposed to work.  Using Signing Statements more than 750 times to directly interpret the intent and constitutionality of a law threatens the delicate balance of our government.  And thus, he hit on an idea but completely missed the point.

The real lapse in policy resembling anything even orbiting this realm of reality came with this part of the speech about Health Insurance:

Tonight, I propose two new initiatives to help more Americans afford their own insurance. First, I propose a standard tax deduction for health insurance that will be like the standard tax deduction for dependents. Families with health insurance will pay no income or payroll taxes on $15,000 of their income. Single Americans with health insurance will pay no income or payroll taxes on $7,500 of their income. With this reform, more than 100 million men, women, and children who are now covered by employer-provided insurance will benefit from lower tax bills.

At the same time, this reform will level the playing field [italics are mine] for those who do not get health insurance through their job. For Americans who now purchase health insurance on their own, my proposal would mean a substantial tax savings — $4,500 for a family of four making $60,000 a year. And for the millions of other Americans who have no health insurance at all, this deduction would help put a basic private health insurance plan within their reach. Changing the tax code is a vital and necessary step to making health care affordable for more Americans.

This is right up there with the notion of trickle down economics as policy during the Reagan era.  Nothing exacerbated economic inequality like Reaganomics, and nothing makes less sense than giving a tax cut to people who can’t afford health insurance in the first place.  The working poor do not need a check from the Government in the spring to offset medical bills paid from the rest of the year – they need health insurance. 

This is not a difficult concept.  Everyone has a right to healthcare – not a privilage, a right.  May I go so far as to add, DUH!

Again, Bush hitting on an idea, but missing the point.  And thus, George W. Bush is hereby inducted into the CHRONICLES OF PEOPLE MISSING THE POINT. 

Congratulations.  Your certificate is in the mail.

24

01 2007


by boo
posted in BOO ON BULLSHIT, CHRONICLES OF PEOPLE MISSING THE POINT, George Bush, Policy, Politics, State of the Union
8 Comments