My mother lives in Spring, TX, and for those of you who don’t know, Houston and the surrounding areas are the Bible Chastity Belt.  As the only Jewish woman in a sea of Evangelical Christianity, she often gets email forwards about the love of Jesus, the love Jesus has for George Bush, and the love Evangelical Christians have for irrationality.  {I mean, really, if you believe in a trinity and can manage to call it monotheism … you’ll believe anything!}

Below, I have pasted one of these lovely email forwards to illustrate what we, in the Rational Revolution, are up against.  Read at your own risk (and blood pressure levels …).  I would also like to note that by referring to Evangelicals, I in no way mean to imply moderate, tolerant Christians – otherwise known as REAL Christians. 

My notes are in bold.

Was Pres Bush Wrong??? 

Read all of this one, it is interesting!!  Read down to the very bottom highlighted in green, IT’LL GIVE YOU GOOSEBUMPS!!!  You don’t want to miss this!  VERY INTERESTING-

The set up here is quite interesting, though it is complete and utter bullshit.  What the author would like to convey is Biblical evidence that the War in Iraq was somehow mandated in the Bible.  So, let’s give the author the benefit of the doubt and assume that he/she knew that Iraq was established in 1932 after WWI.  I have never found any reference to trench warfare in the Torah or the King James Bible, but I digress …

1. The Garden of Eden was in Iraq

We have no idea where the Garden of Eden was, and if we did, we would have already destroyed its natural resources for oil or other exploitative resources. 
2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!

This is absolutely true as long as you discount the entire continent of Africa, and honestly, we seem to do that at present so often, why not direct our apathy to the cradle of civilization as well?
3. Noah built the ark in Iraq

I will give $100 to anyone who can site a reference in the Bible of a geographical location directly connected to Noah.  That’s $100, some of which might be Monopoly money.
4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq

See my challenge above.  If you’re an Evangelical Christian, however, you probably don’t use reference material much, so never mind.
5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq !

This was Abraham’s ancestral home, but he is linked to Haran in the Torah.  However, I completely understand why Evangelical Christians believe this without question.  After all, George Bush was born in Connecticut (making him a Yankee), but everyone believes he’s a Texan.  Go figure …
6. Isaac’s wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq !

I’ll give this one to them as I am fair and balanced (which really means that I’m completely biased, but come on now …)
7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq

Um, no … Aram would probably have been in Turkey/Northern Syria, so that geography is way off.  Of course, Saudi Arabian men attacked us on 9/11 guided out of Afghanistan which caused a pre-emptive war in Iraq, proving once and for all that follies in geographical attacks do have a Biblical concordance.

8. Jonah preached in Nineveh – which is in Iraq

Actually, Nineveh was Turkey/Iraq … in the general area …
9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel.

Again … in the general area, like IN THE MIDDLE EAST!
10. Amos cried out in Iraq !

No, he did this in Israel, and he never traveled outside of Israel/Judah.  It sure would help if Evangelical Christians actually read the Bible …
11 Babylon , which is in Iraq , destroyed Jerusalem

This is a bit misleading (big surprise!) since equating Babylon with a country younger than Paul Newman is a bit dubious.
12. Daniel was in the lion’s den in Iraq !

Again, dubious …
13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the Fiery Furnace!)

Last time I checked, Jesus was nowhere to be found in the “Old” Testament.  That’s the whole reason they wrote a ”New” one …
14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the “writing on the wall” in Iraq.

Babylon = present day Iraq :: Jesus = Republican 
15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq.

See above …

16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq ….

See above …

17. The wise men were from Iraq …

No, they were from the East which even in Biblical times, encompasses a pretty big area.  However, that does go with the modern day thinking that the entire Middle East is just one, big Arab country.
18. Peter preached in Iraq ..

Except that he’s never mentioned to be anywhere near there …
19. The “Empire of Man” described in Revelation is called Babylon , which was a city in
Iraq! And you have probably seen this one: Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible.

But do you know which nation is second?  It is Iraq !

This really is gonna piss off Egypt …

However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible.  The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar , and Mesopotamia … The word Mesopotamia
means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris And Euphrates Rivers ..

The name Iraq , means country with deep roots.  Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.  No other nation, except Israel , has more history and prophecy associated with it than Iraq.

Egypt:  Look over here!  Over here … You know the Pyramids and Moses?!?  What the hell do we have to do to get some recognition around here?!?!?

And also, this is something to think about: Since America is typically represented by an
eagle.  Saddam and Bin Laddin should have read up on their Muslim passages …
The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible):

Koran (9:11) – For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome
Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while
some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; And there was peace.

(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?!

Now this is the pinnacle of bullshit right here.  First, we are to imagine that bald eagles were seen in the Middle East.  Second, we have to imagine that an entire population of Evangelical Christians can’t summon enough rational thought to plug in www.snopes.com into their web browser, or at least Google the Koran. 

For those of you held in utter suspense, here it is folks, Chapter 9, Verse 11 of the Koran:

But if they repent and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, they are your brethren in faith; and We make the communications clear for a people who know.

It is difficult enough that people would use their own faith to propel their own prejudices and political views.  You would think if Iraq was so revered as a Biblical city, our country would have shown far more respect for the museums and historical landmarks within it.  Wasn’t it Rummy who said, when asked about the pillaging of the museums: “How many vases could there possibly be in Iraq?” 

It is far worse that so many will fall for it.  The correct information is easily accessible, and the argument is transparent in its irrationality. 

So I invite you, in this season of charity, to give the gift of Rational Thought to your fellow Evangelical Christians.  They will hate you for it and possibly end any sort of communication with you … but that’s only one of the perks.

On 15 November, the Democratic candidates debated each other in Las Vegas.  One issue in particular caught my attention, and that was the question posed by Wolf Blitzer when he asked, “When they clash, what is more important, human rights or national security?”  The framing of this question interests me – are these mutually exclusive goals in the 21st century?  And who set the framework for this type of conjecture? 

I think the answer to the latter is obvious as we have lived through a Presidency that would propose and carry out to limit the freedoms of its own citizens in order to provide – at least on the surface – a sense of security.  From the suspension of habeas corpus to the illegal spying of American citizens to soft media control, BushCo’s answer to the terrorist question is to become like them in order to fight them. 

Of course, the irrationality of our diminished freedoms at home stems from the fact that the great call of duty all neoconservatives assume upon their shoulders is the spread of democracy abroad.  As Bill Maher, one of the patron saints of this blog, observed:

[George Bush] is gonna spread freedom and democracy to the Iraqi people if he has to kill every last one of them to do it.

So we have the neocon’s answer to the question.  What about the Democratic candidates?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnktoDh3oOA&feature=related]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TJMkNF0hzk&feature=related]

If you needed more proof that Republicans continue to the frame debate, you need only listen to Blitzer’s assertion that “occassionally they could clash”, but also to Clinton’s and Dodd’s answer. 

Only Bill Richardson and Barack Obama maintained that the concepts are not mutually exclusive.  More importantly, I would maintain that if you tend to the issues of human rights, not only on a moral basis, but on an economic, social and political basis, it will make the United States safer. 

Samantha Power, Obama’s Foreign Policy Advisor, in her book A Problem from Hell, asserted the following:

… security for the Americans at home and abroad is contingent on international stability, and there is perhaps no greater source of havoc than a group of well-armed extremists bent on wiping out a people on ethnic, national, or religious grounds.

… the sad record of the last century shows that the walls of the United States tries to build around genocidal socities almost inevitably shatter.  States that murder and torment their own citizens target citizens elsewhere. 

~ Excerpt, page 513

We need only look to the lessons of the past – the lessons of Hilter who persecuted his own people and then moved across Europe, Saddam Hussein who tried to wipe out the Kurds and then waged war on Kuwait, and Molosevic spread his war from Slovenia to Bosnia and Kosovo – to see that leaders who will squelch the rights of their own citizens don’t necessarily play well with others, much less respect our borders. 

After all, the well-documented humanitarian crisis that existed under the Taliban reached our shores on September the 11th.  And we can see regimes today, like the government of Omar al-Bashir in Sudan, who not only mimic the Taliban in their cruelty, but also in their disrespect for the borders of their neighbors. 

We cannot build a wall around America, but we can ensure that the grievences of citizens around the world are not played out upon our national stage.  This does not mean policing the world, but it does mean that America needs to operate globally at a diplomatic intensity where the Geneva Convention is of utmost importance.  We need a President who understands that if the people of the world have their basic human rights, there will be no need to threaten our security. 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65lk-1JqxFA]

When I think of the atrocities in Darfur, a quote from the recent Ken Burns documentary, The War, comes to mind:

“G-d help us.  You come Yourself.  Don’t send Jesus … this is no place for children.”

~Episode 3 – Sergeant at the battle of Anzio

When I heard my friend, John McCain, say this:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAzBxFaio1I]

I thought to myself, since when were retarded assholes allowed to run for President?  Of course, it didn’t take me long to answer that one for myself. 

For this Friday’s video stroll, I would like to share this video that I saw about Iran.  Thank you to To Hell With Culture for posting this. 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEHW7r3HsKI&mode=related&search=]

Hello my little amigos and amigas!  What can I say to you?  I’m tan; I’m rested; I’m back from my lovely timeshare in Baghdad, Iraq.  All the new bourgeois are getting condos there – CondiGates, Rums-A-Gonzo, McDickBush.  Oh, how lovely it was! 

I believe my good friend McCain did a disservice in describing Iraq as “safe”.  Hell, it’s Disneyland with Iraqis!  Candide would’ve left Shrangrila in a New York minute for the beauty, the flare, the character, the – shall I say? – the je ne sais quio that ravishes my spirit. 

In Baghdad, the streets are lined with old dinar.  Farts smell like petunias, and you don’t have to buy anything, for merchants share their goods for free.  And mind you, those are not car bombings that the liberal media show you – why no!  Those are fire works that celebrate Iraq’s independence everyday!  I even got some freedom shrapnel lodged in my leg as a souvenir!! 

Those angry “insurgents” the liberal media show you, screaming angrily and waiving guns well, those are tour guides saying, “Come to Iraq, Americans!  Come, and I’ll show you the best Iraq has to offer!!” 

You know, I spent 6 days at a spa in Iraq.  Their detox facials comprise of hooding you in a black cloth, driving you around and then holding you in a small room for days.  By the time I finished, my complexion was clear and sweat out about 7 pounds!!!

How joyous it was being in Iraq as an American!  I miss it, dear readers.  I miss it.  Maybe I’ll invite my good friend, John McCain, to join me next time.  He can sleep on my couch, and since the streets are so safe for us Americans, I won’t even rent a car. 

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, pictured above posing as a New York City cab driver, recently confessed to masterminding the 9/11 attacks, beheading Daniel Pearl, and trying to assassinate former Presidents.  Transcripts have recently been released regarding these confessions, and much classified information has been left out due to its sensitive material. 

But fear not, dear readers, for I – of course – have the FULL list of confessions by KSM.  Please read this at your discretion as there is much sensitive material below.

KSM:  “I planned 31 attacks and plots.  Death to America!  Four more and I would have received my commemorative clock.  I was responsible for the 9/11 operation from A to Z.  So don’t even bother looking for Osama Bin Laden.  He’s just our dashing front man, our Bono if you will.  We so got you America, you evil bastion of decadence!

We tried assassinating your beloved President, Bill Clinton, by sending virgins into his Harlem office.  They came out no longer virgins, but we will not let that hinder our mission!  I am the mastermind of the world!  And why is that Bill Clinton so suave?? 

I am very technologically inclined.  Every time you drop a call on your cell, yeah, that’s me.  And when you’re typing a document in Word, and the computer blips, and you lose everything … ha ha ha – that is me America! 

We are everywhere.  There is no place out of our reach.  Like when you’re driving and you know you’ve just put gas in your car, but your fuel gage says ‘empty’, you guessed it – me!

And when you put your keys down, and you know you put them on the counter, but they’re not there anymore – me!  So much fun to screw with America! 

You cannot run from me and my master mind!  I made your President retarded and made sure Laura Bush looked like Michael Jackson after her face lifts.  Oh, I really like the album Thriller, by the way. 

Ha ha ha America!  I am the mastermind of the world!  OF THE WORLD I SAY!!!”

Whether it’s mediation, prayer, a good old fashioned trip to the therapist’s office, or all of the above, everyone needs to partake in some soul searching.  Last time, I devoted this segment to the KKK.  Today, let’s look at Hollywood and Iran … Time For Some Soul Searching!

The number 1 movie in America has deeply offended the Iranian people.  300, a precise celluloid adaptation of Frank Miller’s comic book un-precisely based on the Spartan stand at Thermopylae, has sparked petitions, outrage and exclamations from the country for the portrayal of Persians as monsters, slave owners, pimps and last, but not least, the most fabulous Xerxes of all time.

Let’s look at this rationally – and historically – for a moment.

First of all, a little history …

1. No Persian was a monster or had fangs.  Just wanted to get that out of the way.   And if Spartan men really had those washboard abs, female scientists would have already invented time travel long ago.

2. We have inherited a rich and important history of ideas from the Persians, namely from Cyrus the Great who penned the first ideas about human rights.  A replica is displayed today at the U.N.  Those who the Persians conquered enjoyed a considerable amount of freedom, though small tributes and obligatory service in the military were no silver lining indeed.  Just ask the Ionians.

3. Darius, Xerxes’ father, and Xerxes realized that entry into Europe was essential to hold Asia Minor. 

4. No one wants to be conquered, no matter how well they’re treated afterwards.  The house slave might sleep in the house, but they’re still a slave.  Even the ones that slept with our forefathers.  The Persians, historically, were an imperial force set to hold a legistical stake in the region.  The Greeks were free people who wanted to remain that way.  When Xerxes took power in 486, revolts shook his lands in Egypt.  People then, just like today, don’t like foreign forces invading their country and telling them how to live.  Funny, huh?

So this entire argument of the benevolence of Xerxes is a bit overblown.  He wasn’t the worst conqueor in the world, but that doesn’t negate the fact that he took away people’s freedom.  In the movie, however, he was a comic book figure – a gold speedo’d, lacquered and powdered comic book figure.  I’m sure this garb would have landed Xerxes on the worst dressed list in historical Persia.   

But now to the movie which has attracted so much ire.  Let’s look at what officials in Iran are saying:

American cultural officials thought they could get mental satisfaction by plundering Iran’s historic past and insulting this civilization.

Javad Shamadhdavi, cultural advisor to President Ahmadinejad

I thought the same thing – we have cultural officials??? 

And it’s ironic that the cultural advisor feigns any interest in history as his President just held a conference to investigate whether or not the Holocaust actually happened.  Maybe Ahmadinejad should throw a cartoon contest in protest. 

My Iranian friends – respect breeds respect.  If you don’t want to smell like shit, wipe your ass.   

Now for Hollywood – Noam Chomsky discusses how portrayals of Arabs (and this could be said for Russians and the Chinese) manufacture the consent of prejudice and bigotry  towards our neighbors around the globe.  From Rocky IV to 24, foreigners make good targets. 

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes non-white people are the bad guys.  If the storytellers do their job responsibly, no harm, no foul.  However, the inhuman portrayal of “bad guys”, as in the case of Ivan Drago, can step over the line. 

I respectfully, in the case of 300, disagree that this movie will manufacture the consent of bigotry toward Iranians simply because the costuming, portrayals, and the characterization were so over the top – so COMIC BOOK-ESQUE – that even Rednecks won’t equate one with the other.

I mean really, we see a Spartan have sex with a woman.  Now you know that has to be a work of fiction …

I’m not flying this week with my friend, George, to South America.  Although I really wanted to, I just couldn’t peel myself away from the Libby coverage, and I’m not allowed to say the L-Word in front of the President.  Plus, Rove’s a bit mad at me because I stenciled the image of Che Guevara on all his t-shirts. 

From Air Force One, George did call me to check for the recipe of an Irish Car Bomb, and I took the opportunity to have a chat with my buddy.

Boo:  How’s it going, George?

George:  I can’t comment on an on-going investigation, Boo.

Boo:  Yes, sir.  I understand, Mr. President.  So …

Uncomfortable silence.  In the background, I could hear a distinct slurping noise.

Boo:  What is that?

George:  What?

Boo:  That noise in the background?

George:  Oh …

He giggles a bit.

George:  That’s me.  My gums hurt ‘cuz I keep pressin’ on ‘em.

Boo:  Why are you pressing on them if they hurt?

George:  ‘Cuz it hurts but it feels good, ya know?

I didn’t really, but it didn’t stop me from enthusiastically concurring.

Boo:  So, what are you reading now?

George:  The Secret.

Boo:  Really?  You read it?

George:  I watched the Oprah show.  Look, I’m really into positive thinkin’.  Positive attracts positive.  It’s a law of nature.  Plus, I can blame other people’s negative thoughts for my Presidency. 

Boo:  Actually, opposites attract.

George:  Ah, Boo, I’m married.

Boo:  That’s not what … never mind.  But George, don’t you think it will take more than good thoughts to fix Iraq, terrorism, the threat of nuclear proliferation, poverty, and healthcare?

George:  You’re gittin’ me down.  Ya see, it’s you people who keep focusing on the negative.  Like Americans.  Ya’ll git me down.

Boo:  Sorry.

George:  It’s OK.  But see there?

Boo:  What?

George:  Who says I don’t listen to the people?