A small tidbit in the New York Times today, which has no chance of seeing the light of day on the televised news, covered the race by corporate lobbyists to gain last minute approval from the White House to essentially screw the people in some way, shape or form.  Predicting that Democrats might take the White House, Operation Fuck You is currently underway. 

Some of the policies backed by the pro-business lobby include:

• Trucking Companies would like to increase the maximum number of hours truck drivers can work.  If you’ve ever been on the road with a truck driver who hasn’t slept in 14 hours, I suggest the Transportation Department distribute astronaut diapers for every motorist who will piss themselves when said trucker swerves in and out of his lane.  Driving on the road with a sleepy driver in a Honda Civic is one thing; multiply the wheels to 18, and the highways will start to feel like Interstate Grand Theft Auto. 
• Coal Companies have been trying to change their image of late by using an 8 year old with Crayola Crayons explaining the benefits of cleaner coal technology.  However, the coal lobbies would like the Interior Department to allow them to dump rock and dirt from mountaintop mines into nearby water sources.  It’s just too expensive to trap carbon dioxide, and it’s too expensive to haul waste, says the coal lobby.  Since problem solving begins when a situation’s dilemma ranges from disastrous to “OH FUCK!  OH FUCK!”, this looks like yet another conundrum to be inherited by our children and grandchildren.   And who really cares if Appalachia is affected by a little water contamination?  It’s not like the majority of Appalachian adults will be able to read this blog anyway …
• The Enironmental Protection Agency, known under the Bush Administration as “People for the Ethical Treatment of the Utility Industry”, would like to regulate the use of pollution-control equipment by not mandating the utilization of pollution-control equipment.
• Employers would like to change the rules for family and medical leave because 12 weeks with an infant is a bit too generous.  After all, as long as a woman spends nine months with the fetus, everything else will just work itself out.  This coincides with the neoconservatives’ outlook on the youth vote, composed 100% of fetuses. 
• The National Chicken Council and the U.S. Poultry and Egg Association have answered the age old question, “What came first?  The chicken or the damaging ammonia fumes from chicken shit?”  The associations insist that ammonia released into the air is not a public or environmental health hazard “just cause”.  An anonymous spokesperson from the NCC said to me, “The only chicken shits that should be regulated are in the Democratic party”. 

I’m sure there is more, but my bleeding ulcer can’t take it.  Notice the pattern – corporations, which have the same rights as human beings, benefit monetarily when real human beings get screwed.  If there is one main problem facing our democracy, it is the political lobby.  A plague on both sides of the political aisle, the lobby movement – funded by special interest corporations – continue to set the agenda for policy. 

Can we get a lobby for citizens???  The popular vote just doesn’t seem to cut it …

“A Question of Impeachment”, presented by the New York City theatre group, Culture Project, can be watched on the group’s page on YouTube.  The tagline for the show is They took it off the table so we put it on the stage – Trial by Theater. 

The excerpt below is of Staceyann Chin, an artist who makes me proud to be an artist.  If you haven’t experienced the work of Ms. Chin, I encourage you to do so … her words will make you look at the world in an entirely different way. 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ofsVwH4O_k]

My good friend, Scott McClellan, shown at left demonstrating the size of Karl Rove’s breasts for the White House Press Corps (ok, just Jeff Gannon), recently dropped a literary bomb on Plame Gate:

“I stood at the White House briefing room podium in front of the glare of the klieg lights for the better part of two weeks and publicly exonerated two of the senior most aides in the White House: Karl Rove and Scooter Libby.  There was one problem. It was not true.

[I] unknowingly passed along false information. And five of the highest-ranking officials in the administration were involved in my doing so: Rove, Libby, the vice president, the president’s chief of staff, and the president himself.”

Since the news errupted Tuesday, Scott has not granted any interviews to the press; however, I did receive an email from him yesterday.  I have printed it below as I’m sure he won’t mind dealing with the leak …

‘Sup Boo,

Dude … what up?  Did you see that release about the boys club?  I can totally see that Dick’s face when they read it … and Cheney’s too … LOL!  I’m so freakin tired of being the butt of everyone’s jokes around there.  I’m Scott mother fuckin’ McClellan mother fuckers!  And they can’t mess with this Irish boy any longer!!!

No more being the taste tester for Dick’s food.  No more signs taped to my back that read “dough-boy”.  No more high-5’s that leave me hangin’.  Fuck dat noise, girl!  I’m gonna be heard like Paul Revere! 

And ya know what else?  That Georgie Porgie never invited me to the ranch after Tony came on board.  He stood on TV and said we’d be like, rockin on porch swings and shit.  HE LIED TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ABOUT IT!  What the fuck is that all about?!?!?!  How can you lie about something like that???  I called him and he was like, “Uh, Scott … I gotta see about blah blah blah” and then I totally heard Tony Snow with his Ken Doll big fat head laughing in the background. 

And don’t even get me started on Dana Perino.  That twat wouldn’t know how to lie believably at the Daily Press Briefing if her hair dye depended on it! 

So now the bombs are coming girl.  Maybe if they’d been a little nicer, I woulda lied for them a little longer, but no!  And yeah, I coulda done the right thing while I was in the administration, but dang!  I thought they were my friends.  Like a family, ya know!  Nobody messes with Scott MOTHER FUCKIN’ MCCLELLAN! 

Peace out.

Scott M.

P.S:  Am I invited to Thanksgiving or what??

On 15 November, the Democratic candidates debated each other in Las Vegas.  One issue in particular caught my attention, and that was the question posed by Wolf Blitzer when he asked, “When they clash, what is more important, human rights or national security?”  The framing of this question interests me – are these mutually exclusive goals in the 21st century?  And who set the framework for this type of conjecture? 

I think the answer to the latter is obvious as we have lived through a Presidency that would propose and carry out to limit the freedoms of its own citizens in order to provide – at least on the surface – a sense of security.  From the suspension of habeas corpus to the illegal spying of American citizens to soft media control, BushCo’s answer to the terrorist question is to become like them in order to fight them. 

Of course, the irrationality of our diminished freedoms at home stems from the fact that the great call of duty all neoconservatives assume upon their shoulders is the spread of democracy abroad.  As Bill Maher, one of the patron saints of this blog, observed:

[George Bush] is gonna spread freedom and democracy to the Iraqi people if he has to kill every last one of them to do it.

So we have the neocon’s answer to the question.  What about the Democratic candidates?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnktoDh3oOA&feature=related]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TJMkNF0hzk&feature=related]

If you needed more proof that Republicans continue to the frame debate, you need only listen to Blitzer’s assertion that “occassionally they could clash”, but also to Clinton’s and Dodd’s answer. 

Only Bill Richardson and Barack Obama maintained that the concepts are not mutually exclusive.  More importantly, I would maintain that if you tend to the issues of human rights, not only on a moral basis, but on an economic, social and political basis, it will make the United States safer. 

Samantha Power, Obama’s Foreign Policy Advisor, in her book A Problem from Hell, asserted the following:

… security for the Americans at home and abroad is contingent on international stability, and there is perhaps no greater source of havoc than a group of well-armed extremists bent on wiping out a people on ethnic, national, or religious grounds.

… the sad record of the last century shows that the walls of the United States tries to build around genocidal socities almost inevitably shatter.  States that murder and torment their own citizens target citizens elsewhere. 

~ Excerpt, page 513

We need only look to the lessons of the past – the lessons of Hilter who persecuted his own people and then moved across Europe, Saddam Hussein who tried to wipe out the Kurds and then waged war on Kuwait, and Molosevic spread his war from Slovenia to Bosnia and Kosovo – to see that leaders who will squelch the rights of their own citizens don’t necessarily play well with others, much less respect our borders. 

After all, the well-documented humanitarian crisis that existed under the Taliban reached our shores on September the 11th.  And we can see regimes today, like the government of Omar al-Bashir in Sudan, who not only mimic the Taliban in their cruelty, but also in their disrespect for the borders of their neighbors. 

We cannot build a wall around America, but we can ensure that the grievences of citizens around the world are not played out upon our national stage.  This does not mean policing the world, but it does mean that America needs to operate globally at a diplomatic intensity where the Geneva Convention is of utmost importance.  We need a President who understands that if the people of the world have their basic human rights, there will be no need to threaten our security. 

In the only positive move the Bush Administration has made, Daylight Savings Time started three weeks earlier this year.  I assume evil liberal bloggers (you know who you assholes are) promoted the “mini Y2K” scare all over the internet.  Well ok, it was more like an amusing eyeroll on the Huffington Post, but this signifies something practically unheard of in history:

I, LIKE THE MAJORITY OF THE COUNTRY, AGREE WITH A POLICY PROMOTED BY THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION!!!!

{I need to sit down … feeling a little vomit in the back of my throat, which sucks because I had chunky peanut butter straight out of the jar with a side of Almond M&M’s while washing it down with a cool and refreshing Shiner Bock.  My bulimic friends have told me peanut butter makes the worst purge material, and I continually try to refrain from eating it when covering Bush.  But hello people, it’s peanut butter!  Trust me, I’m no Rove who has his dog lick it from his … never mind …}

I thoroughly enjoy the extra daylight in the evening, and I don’t really care if this is Bush’s excuse for an environmental policy.  So today, in fact, hell froze over … I wonder if it saved any polar bears …

I’m not flying this week with my friend, George, to South America.  Although I really wanted to, I just couldn’t peel myself away from the Libby coverage, and I’m not allowed to say the L-Word in front of the President.  Plus, Rove’s a bit mad at me because I stenciled the image of Che Guevara on all his t-shirts. 

From Air Force One, George did call me to check for the recipe of an Irish Car Bomb, and I took the opportunity to have a chat with my buddy.

Boo:  How’s it going, George?

George:  I can’t comment on an on-going investigation, Boo.

Boo:  Yes, sir.  I understand, Mr. President.  So …

Uncomfortable silence.  In the background, I could hear a distinct slurping noise.

Boo:  What is that?

George:  What?

Boo:  That noise in the background?

George:  Oh …

He giggles a bit.

George:  That’s me.  My gums hurt ‘cuz I keep pressin’ on ‘em.

Boo:  Why are you pressing on them if they hurt?

George:  ‘Cuz it hurts but it feels good, ya know?

I didn’t really, but it didn’t stop me from enthusiastically concurring.

Boo:  So, what are you reading now?

George:  The Secret.

Boo:  Really?  You read it?

George:  I watched the Oprah show.  Look, I’m really into positive thinkin’.  Positive attracts positive.  It’s a law of nature.  Plus, I can blame other people’s negative thoughts for my Presidency. 

Boo:  Actually, opposites attract.

George:  Ah, Boo, I’m married.

Boo:  That’s not what … never mind.  But George, don’t you think it will take more than good thoughts to fix Iraq, terrorism, the threat of nuclear proliferation, poverty, and healthcare?

George:  You’re gittin’ me down.  Ya see, it’s you people who keep focusing on the negative.  Like Americans.  Ya’ll git me down.

Boo:  Sorry.

George:  It’s OK.  But see there?

Boo:  What?

George:  Who says I don’t listen to the people?

I want everyone to take a break from their day today and say a small prayer for my friend, Karl Rove.  I know, I know … he’s not everyone’s favorite evil genius, but he is a human being (sort of) who is under a lot of stress lately. 

You see, Karl needs to twist political rhetoric into befuddled logic for the American people in order to justify another bullshit war.  This is a huge task in and of itself.  The problem is, the American people aren’t so gullible anymore.  We know – for the most part – the fear tactics and problematic intelligence used the first time.  What’s that saying?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qDuG0ZYD5I]

Oh yeah … something like that.

So on the phone today with Karl, he was a bit upset.  Here’s just a tidbit of the conversation:

Karl:  I feel so bad … I just want someone to bring me warm milk and rub my tummy!

Boo:  What’s wrong, babe?

Karl:  I’ve lost it, Boo.  I’ve lost the touch.

Boo:  Don’t say that.  You can bullshit me with illogical rhetoric anyday!

Karl:  Really?

Boo:  Yeah.

I heard Karl blow his nose; it sounded like a freakin’ fog horn.

Karl:  You’re just sayin’ that.

Boo:  No, I’m not.  I totally buy all the bullshit about Iran.  I could totally blow the hell out of those people!

Karl:  Really?  I mean, like, the QUD’s force argument and all?

Boo:  Totally.

Karl:  What was your favorite part?  About my bullshit, I mean.

I had to take a moment to think about it.  There is just so much Rovian bullshit these days.

Boo:  Well, I like how you’re focusing on Iran and not, say, Saudi Arabia.  After all, Saudi Arabia is funding the Sunni militias who are responsible for 92% of the overall casualties and injuries to U.S. forces, but you’re focusing on Iran. 

Karl:  The Saudis own 18% of the country.  We have to divert attention.

Boo:  And it’s a brilliant scheme -

Karl:  Say that again.

Boo:  What?

Karl:  Brilliant scheme.

Boo:  Brilliant scheme.

Karl muttered what I think was a “oh yeah baby”, but I let it go.  Sometimes Karl can be creepy.  Friendly, but creepy.  Of course, you haven’t rubbed his tummy either, but I digress.

Boo:  Want to know my favorite part?

Karl:  YEAH!

I tried to do my best George Bush impression; I fear it’s really just a Ross Perot on cough medicine.

Boo:  “I don’t know what’s worse.  That the Iranian government knew about the QUDs force, or that it didn’t know about it.”

Karl started his belly laugh that can literally make the ground shake.  He once laughed so hard that he fell back in his chair.  I think that was over the whole WMD thing.  Who knows … there are just so many to count at this point.  But no one can make Karl Rove laugh like Karl Rove.  Not even Rummy.

Boo:  I mean, the argument clearly makes no sense whatsoever.  And I heard Tony repeat it at the White House Press Briefing.  Clearly, if the Iranian government knows about it, that is much worse because that is a clear indication of military interference by a country with forces greater than Iraq’s.  And if the Iranian government doesn’t know, that’s just another opening for possible diplomatic possibilities -

Karl:  Diplomacy is for pussies!

Boo:  Even though it works!

Karl:  Yeah!!!

Boo:  But if you just keep repeating -

Karl:  The country’ll be believing!

He loved that phrase.  Karl knows that if you repeat something enough, and show angry Muslims in the process, what you repeat will become truth.

Boo:  But do you ever feel bad, Karl?

Karl:  Bad about what?

Boo:  About the intellectual dishonesty?  About the bullshit you’re feeding to the American people? 

To his credit, Karl thought about this for a second.  Then I heard it.

The belly laugh … I guess that’s my answer.

As my loyal readers know, I have lunch every week with someone in the Washington establishment.  These entries are documented here, as Lunchtime With Boo. 

After the 10 February Los Angeles Times article detailing the polite disagreements between the Pentagon and the CIA over Robert Feith’s report on the connection between Iraq and Al-Qaeda in the wake of 9/11, I thought I’d give my friends in the White House ample opportunity to give their side of the story.  Since no one seems to listen to any news unless there lies a promise of Anna Nicole coverage on the horizon, I have included some of my favorite pictures of her in memoriam. 

Below is the rushed trascript of our round table discussion with George Bush, Dick Cheney, Condoleezza Rice, Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz, and practical noob, Robert Feith.

We met in the White House dining room, and George had to retell the story of how Winston Churchill once roamed the halls with a bourban in one hand and a cigar between his lips, demanding fluffer nutter sandwiches.  His companions smirked, tolerating his unscripted ramblings and only marginally feigning interest.  George didn’t seem to notice.

Boo:  So, let’s talk about the recent Carl Levin report that outlined some of the intelligence failures during the lead-up to the war. 

George:  You know, B-b-boo, no one is talking about what we got right about Sadam and the war.

  Boo:  Which is what?

George:  Sadam did try to kill my daddy.

Dick kicked him under the table.

George:  … Dad.  He tried to kill my dad. 

Boo:  Right.  But there was no connection to Iraq and Al-Qaeda.  No WMD.  You’ve heard this before.  So now it’s time to clear the air.  Why did we go to war?  What was worth the loss of over 3000 soldiers?

George:  Oil.

Boo:  DID YOU JUST SAY -

Dick:  For his salad.

Boo:  What?

Dick:  He wants olive oil for his salad.  As the President, he has a responsibility to stay heart healthy and be a positive example for the nation.

I started to notice that everytime Dick referred to George as “President”, he giggled. 

Boo:  But he doesn’t have a salad.

Rummy:  He’s pre-emptively ordering oil for his salad.  From, from Tikrit.

Boo:  There’s no olive oil made in Tikrit.

Rummy almost got out the next line with a straight face.

Rummy:  There’s no WMD there either.

Boo:  OK, back to the business at hand.  Robert, you have said in your defense that you have done nothing wrong, and that the orders came from Donald and Paul to further explore the possibility between Iraq and Al-Qaeda. 

Robert:  That is correct.  I was checking the work of the CIA.

Boo:  As a civilian, is it appropriate to oversee the intelligence community?

Rummy:  Oh, that’s what Gatesy said.  What a pussy that guy is!

Condi:  There’s really no need to name call!

Rummy made kissing noises at Condi, who, I have it on good authority, is not screwing Robert Gates.

Boo:  So Condi, allow me to follow up on a conversation we were having the other day about memos you have received about this intelligence report.

Condi:  I received them in 2003.  They were really no big deal.

Boo:  Who were they from?

Condi:  Everyone.

Boo:  Everyone?

Condi:  Yes.

Boo:  From where?

Condi:  The CIA.

Boo:  And what did they say?

Condi:  They were all conjecture, really.

Boo:  What was the title of the emails?

Condi:  I believe they were titled something like, “Iraq and Al-Qaeda Have No Fucking Connection, You Morons.”  But I don’t have my computer in front of me.

I could tell as our conversation went on, George got bored.  As I was questioning Condi, he started tapping his cheek to make water droplet sounds.  I never knew how boys did that …

Boo:  So Paul, what did you think of the report once you received it?

Paul:  I thought it was great.

Boo:  What about it was great?

Paul:  It was very thorough. 

Abruptly, Dick addressed me.

Dick:  Is that all?

Boo:  No. 

Dick:  I think you’ve stepped over the line.

Boo:  I haven’t even asked you anything yet.

Dick:  Well, that’s my answer.  I love my lesbian daughter.

George:  Ewe!

Boo:  I wasn’t even going to bring her up …

Dick:  Things are going great in Iraq.

Boo:  No, they aren’t.

Dick:  Who asked you?

Boo:  I’m asking you.  How can you confront the truth so dismissively?

Dick:  Because I’m the Vice President.    Boo:  Is that your answer? 

Dick:  Does there need to be any other?

He smiled that shit-eating grin that I just want to smack.  I smiled back to keep myself from kicking him in the balls.

Boo:  Well, last question for everyone – what’s next?

George:  Iran.

Boo:  Iran??

Then I swear to G-d, Dick, Condi, and Rummy started singing.

Dick/Condi/Rummy:  I ran so far away.  I just ra-a-an, I ran all night and da-a-ay.

Robert:  I couldn’t get away …

Paul did air keyboard, humming that oh so familiar synth chord.

Boo:  Are you singing the Flock of Seagulls song?

Paul:  It’s the President’s favorite.

George giggled again.

Boo:  “I Ran” by A Flock of Seagulls is George’s favorite song?

Dick:  You bet.  But you’re not going to write that.

Boo:  Oh yes, I am.

Dick:  No, you’re not.  Who do you think you are?

Boo:  I’m the blogger, bitch.