So, as most of you know, Dick (tee hee hee) and I are on some shaky ground of late.  If he just wasn’t so … so WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING I think I could get over his other personality quips, like his constant case of the whistling booger and his propensity for being a close talker.  To be fair, Dick (giggle giggle giggle) doesn’t believe he’s wrong about anything.  He thinks that he knows what others do not – namely that facts are pesky, and one shouldn’t concern one’s self with them. 

Even though we have our ups and downs, Dick (I’ll resist) still invited me with him on his recent trip to Afghanistan, a gracious gesture that practically moved me to tears since the last invitation I received from Dick was to kiss his “wrinkled ass”. 

I felt like such an honored observer, watching as our Vice President belittled statesmen from other countries in a language they barely understood.  Although, President Karzai, truth be told, can say “Oil is the fruit of the gods and my pipelineis their tree” in at least 5 languages … that’s what you get when you work for the benevolent good that is UNOCAL. 

Anyway, you might have read about the suicide bomber at Bagram Airspace who killed 14 people.  It was such a tragedy, to say the least, but I must admit that when we heard the resounding boom, Hamid and I almost lost our shit as Dick held his stomach and apologetically stated, “Oh … excuse me”. 

The Taliban immediately took credit for the bombing, deeming it a success, proving once more that it’s not only the Bush Administration that paints failed missions with a rosy brush. 

I really wanted to get out of there; we were safe for the time being in the bomb shelter, but all I could keep thinking about was my husband’s face – how all I wanted to do was see him again and hug him, and that 14 people would never be able to hug their spouses or mothers or brothers ever again. 

One of the guards asked me if I was ok.  In my anxious state, all that I could mutter was, “Let’s make like the British and head out!!!”

Dick never thinks I’m funny.  He thinks Rove is a fucking riot.  Rove, who’s most recent contribution to humor was:  What’s with this Obama guy?  I guess once you go black, you never go back, wouldn’t know humor if it kicked him in the balls … and humor tries to kick Rove in the balls every freakin’ day!

However, Dick did call me yesterday to make sure I was ok. 

Dick:  Boo?

Boo:  Hi, Dick.

Dick:  You alive?

Boo:  Yeah, Dick.  And how are you?

No answer.  He had already hung up the phone … that Dick …