Plame That Tune

My good friend, Scott McClellan, shown at left demonstrating the size of Karl Rove’s breasts for the White House Press Corps (ok, just Jeff Gannon), recently dropped a literary bomb on Plame Gate:

“I stood at the White House briefing room podium in front of the glare of the klieg lights for the better part of two weeks and publicly exonerated two of the senior most aides in the White House: Karl Rove and Scooter Libby.  There was one problem. It was not true.

[I] unknowingly passed along false information. And five of the highest-ranking officials in the administration were involved in my doing so: Rove, Libby, the vice president, the president’s chief of staff, and the president himself.”

Since the news errupted Tuesday, Scott has not granted any interviews to the press; however, I did receive an email from him yesterday.  I have printed it below as I’m sure he won’t mind dealing with the leak …

‘Sup Boo,

Dude … what up?  Did you see that release about the boys club?  I can totally see that Dick’s face when they read it … and Cheney’s too … LOL!  I’m so freakin tired of being the butt of everyone’s jokes around there.  I’m Scott mother fuckin’ McClellan mother fuckers!  And they can’t mess with this Irish boy any longer!!!

No more being the taste tester for Dick’s food.  No more signs taped to my back that read “dough-boy”.  No more high-5’s that leave me hangin’.  Fuck dat noise, girl!  I’m gonna be heard like Paul Revere! 

And ya know what else?  That Georgie Porgie never invited me to the ranch after Tony came on board.  He stood on TV and said we’d be like, rockin on porch swings and shit.  HE LIED TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ABOUT IT!  What the fuck is that all about?!?!?!  How can you lie about something like that???  I called him and he was like, “Uh, Scott … I gotta see about blah blah blah” and then I totally heard Tony Snow with his Ken Doll big fat head laughing in the background. 

And don’t even get me started on Dana Perino.  That twat wouldn’t know how to lie believably at the Daily Press Briefing if her hair dye depended on it! 

So now the bombs are coming girl.  Maybe if they’d been a little nicer, I woulda lied for them a little longer, but no!  And yeah, I coulda done the right thing while I was in the administration, but dang!  I thought they were my friends.  Like a family, ya know!  Nobody messes with Scott MOTHER FUCKIN’ MCCLELLAN! 

Peace out.

Scott M.

P.S:  Am I invited to Thanksgiving or what??

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  1. 1

    That’s a savvy business model — make money lying for the administration, then quit and write a book telling the real story. Scott, you go, girl!

  2. Rick #

    I find it very intriguing that you get such personal emails from the likes of Karen Hughes, Russ Feingold, and Scottie… Maybe some day you’ll tell us how you get such access! ;-)

  3. 3

    Should the Special Prosecutor now charge McClellan for telling lies earlier?

  4. Agi #

    Scottie was such a nervous press secretary (compared to the cutthroat Ari and the methodical Tony). His briefings consisted of repeating the same few phrases over and over again. I rather miss him – it was great fun to watch him be pummeled every week.

  5. boo #

    Poor Scottie too Hottie … he just muffed by the big boys …

    As for Patrick Fitzgerald, Jonathon Turley said on Olberman (one of the patron saints of this blog) that the Fitzgerald case is still open, so he could still be called in. I have a feeling, however, that the Congress will hold hearings.

    Think BushCo will try to claim Executive Privilage for Scott now???


    Let me know what you’re thankful for, you crazy kids :)

  6. 6

    It’s not often that a former press secretary cops to lying while his boss is still in office. You know how tough the job is when even guys like Scott and Tony Snow (who lies for a living on Fox News) can finish a whole term. As they say in Japan, Otsukaresama, Scott! You can take it easy now. Get some rest and tell the truth a few more times. It’ll feel good.

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