Time For Some Soul Searching: Evangelical Bullshit

My mother lives in Spring, TX, and for those of you who don’t know, Houston and the surrounding areas are the Bible Chastity Belt.  As the only Jewish woman in a sea of Evangelical Christianity, she often gets email forwards about the love of Jesus, the love Jesus has for George Bush, and the love Evangelical Christians have for irrationality.  {I mean, really, if you believe in a trinity and can manage to call it monotheism … you’ll believe anything!}

Below, I have pasted one of these lovely email forwards to illustrate what we, in the Rational Revolution, are up against.  Read at your own risk (and blood pressure levels …).  I would also like to note that by referring to Evangelicals, I in no way mean to imply moderate, tolerant Christians – otherwise known as REAL Christians. 

My notes are in bold.

Was Pres Bush Wrong??? 

Read all of this one, it is interesting!!  Read down to the very bottom highlighted in green, IT’LL GIVE YOU GOOSEBUMPS!!!  You don’t want to miss this!  VERY INTERESTING-

The set up here is quite interesting, though it is complete and utter bullshit.  What the author would like to convey is Biblical evidence that the War in Iraq was somehow mandated in the Bible.  So, let’s give the author the benefit of the doubt and assume that he/she knew that Iraq was established in 1932 after WWI.  I have never found any reference to trench warfare in the Torah or the King James Bible, but I digress …

1. The Garden of Eden was in Iraq

We have no idea where the Garden of Eden was, and if we did, we would have already destroyed its natural resources for oil or other exploitative resources. 
2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!

This is absolutely true as long as you discount the entire continent of Africa, and honestly, we seem to do that at present so often, why not direct our apathy to the cradle of civilization as well?
3. Noah built the ark in Iraq

I will give $100 to anyone who can site a reference in the Bible of a geographical location directly connected to Noah.  That’s $100, some of which might be Monopoly money.
4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq

See my challenge above.  If you’re an Evangelical Christian, however, you probably don’t use reference material much, so never mind.
5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq !

This was Abraham’s ancestral home, but he is linked to Haran in the Torah.  However, I completely understand why Evangelical Christians believe this without question.  After all, George Bush was born in Connecticut (making him a Yankee), but everyone believes he’s a Texan.  Go figure …
6. Isaac’s wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq !

I’ll give this one to them as I am fair and balanced (which really means that I’m completely biased, but come on now …)
7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq

Um, no … Aram would probably have been in Turkey/Northern Syria, so that geography is way off.  Of course, Saudi Arabian men attacked us on 9/11 guided out of Afghanistan which caused a pre-emptive war in Iraq, proving once and for all that follies in geographical attacks do have a Biblical concordance.

8. Jonah preached in Nineveh – which is in Iraq

Actually, Nineveh was Turkey/Iraq … in the general area …
9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel.

Again … in the general area, like IN THE MIDDLE EAST!
10. Amos cried out in Iraq !

No, he did this in Israel, and he never traveled outside of Israel/Judah.  It sure would help if Evangelical Christians actually read the Bible …
11 Babylon , which is in Iraq , destroyed Jerusalem

This is a bit misleading (big surprise!) since equating Babylon with a country younger than Paul Newman is a bit dubious.
12. Daniel was in the lion’s den in Iraq !

Again, dubious …
13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the Fiery Furnace!)

Last time I checked, Jesus was nowhere to be found in the “Old” Testament.  That’s the whole reason they wrote a ”New” one …
14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the “writing on the wall” in Iraq.

Babylon = present day Iraq :: Jesus = Republican 
15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq.

See above …

16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq ….

See above …

17. The wise men were from Iraq …

No, they were from the East which even in Biblical times, encompasses a pretty big area.  However, that does go with the modern day thinking that the entire Middle East is just one, big Arab country.
18. Peter preached in Iraq ..

Except that he’s never mentioned to be anywhere near there …
19. The “Empire of Man” described in Revelation is called Babylon , which was a city in
Iraq! And you have probably seen this one: Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible.

But do you know which nation is second?  It is Iraq !

This really is gonna piss off Egypt …

However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible.  The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar , and Mesopotamia … The word Mesopotamia
means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris And Euphrates Rivers ..

The name Iraq , means country with deep roots.  Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.  No other nation, except Israel , has more history and prophecy associated with it than Iraq.

Egypt:  Look over here!  Over here … You know the Pyramids and Moses?!?  What the hell do we have to do to get some recognition around here?!?!?

And also, this is something to think about: Since America is typically represented by an
eagle.  Saddam and Bin Laddin should have read up on their Muslim passages …
The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible):

Koran (9:11) – For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome
Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while
some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; And there was peace.

(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?!

Now this is the pinnacle of bullshit right here.  First, we are to imagine that bald eagles were seen in the Middle East.  Second, we have to imagine that an entire population of Evangelical Christians can’t summon enough rational thought to plug in www.snopes.com into their web browser, or at least Google the Koran. 

For those of you held in utter suspense, here it is folks, Chapter 9, Verse 11 of the Koran:

But if they repent and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, they are your brethren in faith; and We make the communications clear for a people who know.

It is difficult enough that people would use their own faith to propel their own prejudices and political views.  You would think if Iraq was so revered as a Biblical city, our country would have shown far more respect for the museums and historical landmarks within it.  Wasn’t it Rummy who said, when asked about the pillaging of the museums: “How many vases could there possibly be in Iraq?” 

It is far worse that so many will fall for it.  The correct information is easily accessible, and the argument is transparent in its irrationality. 

So I invite you, in this season of charity, to give the gift of Rational Thought to your fellow Evangelical Christians.  They will hate you for it and possibly end any sort of communication with you … but that’s only one of the perks.

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14 Comments Add Yours ↓

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  1. rick #

    I love this. Can you do this for all the bullshit emails in my inbox? Some guy in Nigeria wants me to help a princess transfer money.

  2. 2

    You may have stumbled onto a whole new blog format here. It’s so mind numbing parsing this crap. I think they put it out to keep us busy.

  3. boo #

    Rick, I love those spams … who knew such a treasure trove existed in Nigeria??

    Station Agent, I’m not sure why this one made my blood boil the way it did, but it was interesting looking all of this up. People will believe anything …

  4. 4

    I’d have no time to blog if I debunked ever crazy e-mail that landed in my in box from a relative…and I live in New York!

  5. boo #

    Frederick, I’m counting this as my good deed for the day :)

  6. 6

    The Evangelicals are so brain washed that they believe their own bullshit. Boo thank you for correcting the misquote from the Koran. Interesting, it takes a Jew to accurately quote the Koran. Rhe verse in question is obe of the most profound. Another one is:

    ” Establish prayer, pay the poor due and take care of your neighbor and that is the total sum of your religion” I guess Osama bin Ladin’s of this world do not read these passages.

  7. 7

    The Evangelicals are so brain washed that they believe their own bullshit. Boo thank you for correcting the misquote from the Koran. Interesting, it takes a Jew to accurately quote the Koran. The verse in question is one of the most profound. Another one is:

    ” Establish prayer, pay the poor due and take care of your neighbor and that is the total sum of your religion”

    I guess Osama bin Ladin’s of this world do not read these passages.

  8. 8

    Whole Foods sells a loaf of bread every year that never ceases to amaze me. They like to call it “Santa Bread”. I like to call it what it really is……..THE CHALLAH-CLAUS! It is a loaf of challah shaped like Santas head. It is evil and I swear that the devil himself baked it. I can see it now, little kids all over austin ripping apart Santas head. On second thought, that’s kinda funny.
    ………………………….that is all………………………..

  9. 9

    Dude, I get those idiotic emails, too, from my in-laws. And I didn’t even decide to marry into their family; my brother did. It’s all his fault.

  10. 10

    A ‘Connecticut Yankee’ in Abraham’s court! I just knew bu$h was related.
    Everyone, all together, hallelujah… hallelujah… hallelujah!

  11. 11

    Yet another reason for the evangelicals to charter planes and get themselves to Iraq to help George “Crusader” Bush retake the Holy Land. They don’t even need to join the military — just fly to Israel, see all the Jesus spots, then bus themselves into Iraq for a little DYI freedom fighting for God. Those too chicken to fire a gun or strap themselves up with explosives can form human shields around our troops. Hallelujah!

  12. 12

    Good to see you back. Most of the reality based sites have just been spinning their wheels and Iran was never invaded despite hand wringing. It never will be.

    I got exasperated by it all and you were gone. I’m doing a sweet concert series at a Tai Chi school that eats my time.

    http://www.myspace.com/brooklinetaichi is the url. Check the friends. I believe you and the mister have one too. Link away as I would love to have you all among this elaborate international community.

    As for the post, I’m just happy for your Mom that she won’t have to go through something like a pogrom, (crossed fingers). These bible thumpers may be as dumb as a sack of rocks but they still rein in the animal urge to smite the ‘Jesus Killers’. They just bug you with junk mail and spam.

    Hi Ajaz, hope you are well.

  13. 13

    Hi Mom!!!!!

  14. Doug #

    Nineveh, capital city of the Assyrian empire, is located in the modern city of Mosul, Iraq. Occupied first in the 7th millennium BC, it became important to Mesopotamia when Sennacherib (704-681 BC) made it his capital. It was sacked by the Medes and Babylonians in 612 BC.

    Lots of famous archaeologists have worked in Nineveh, including Austen Henry Layard, Hormuzd Rassam, George Smith, R. Campbell Thompson, Max Mallowan, and Emile Paul Botta. Most recently, Nineveh has been the focus of concern around the world because of its location in war-torn Iraq.

    Armstong, James A. 1996. Nineveh. In Brian M. Fagan (ed), Oxford Companion to Archaeology. Oxford University Press, New York.

    Mesopotamia (from the Greek meaning “The land between the two rivers”)[1] is an area geographically located between the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, largely corresponding to Iraq, western Iran and eastern Syria.


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